The Bayfriend; not just a 'rural' legend

I'm about to drop some knowledge on you.

In the fall of 2001, I was in grade 12 and working at Allans Video in Grand Falls-Windsor with my friend Mole. School had just started at the College of the North Atlantic and girls from out of town were coming in out of the woodwork. This is when Mole informed me of something he had recently discovered existed: The Bayfriend.

I know you must be thinking "what the eff is Mike getting on with this time?" but allow me to explain to you just what the Bayfriend is.

When very attractive young girls leave their hometowns in search of larger venues, primarily for educational purposes they often leave behind a bayfriend. He's the guy that they went out with in high school because they didn't really have any other options. This guy is usually an idiot, prone to violence, and dependant on marijuana (but in the lame wannabe-gangsta-writing-'chronic'-on-his-belongings kind of way.) To be quite frank, the girl is always out of his league and only with him because her hometown has a population of 17 and sadly, he was the best they had to offer. Also, there's a good chance they've known each other since they were 3 years old and she knew him before he was this stupid.

Either way, the guy is a pain in the ass because he hinders her enjoyment of the post secondary experience (also known as hooking up with me).

For the past five fall semesters I've kept in mind what Mole said that night in the video store, and I've noticed it's true, the Bayfriend isn't something Mole made up to frighten me. They do exist. I think I actually was one. Well, not a bayfriend in the traditional "skeetish" standards, but after I finished high school my girlfriend went on to MUN and I stayed in GF-W, and I know my existence pissed off a lot of guys in St. John's.

OH! That reminds me, there is a way to conquer the bayfriend! Just wait it out, they're usually gone by the second semester.

So add this one to your set of Mike's Terms and Phrases;

bayfriend: [bey-frend] (noun) - male companion that has been chosen but left behind by rural female when she moves to a larger center. Usually a bit of a skeet and picked not based on compatability, but on availability. Most often extinct or endangered by January.