Hangovers are a funny thing. Everyone who drinks suffers from them in one way or another, and most of us have our own special way of dealing with them. The worst part about them is that they can spring up on you for seemingly no reason.
I have one right now, and I don't know why. Yeah, I drank last night, but not a lot. I had about 9 Keith's all night and that was it. Hardly a recipe for destruction. But despite that I still found myself to be hurting this morning, and even threw up. Not the best way to spend New Year's Eve, actually it's usually the way I spend New Year's Day.
But I'm working on my cure. For some people it's the hair of the dog that gets them through, others prefer coffee, sleep is a definite option. But me, I like McDonalds. As I write this I'm sprawled across my bed watching Thundercats, and slowly working my way through a 10 pack of McNuggets. I'm also waiting for the gravol I took to kick in. I'm also contemplating a nap with a cold cloth on my head.
But it has me thinking. With it being New Year's and all I'm sure some of you may be imbibing various spirits and what better time to find ways to combat hangovers. So leave a comment on how you get past feeling like death warmed over.
Happy New Years
Sunday, December 31, 2006
Thursday, December 07, 2006
When not to pick up...(really, such a time exists)
So last night I hit up Junctions with an associate who shall remain nameless. It wasn't the initial plan, but hey, the Breezeway wasn't happening and I didn't know about the bands at Greensleeves and the Martini Bar.
Now, I hate Junctions. Thats important to know here. I've been there a grand total of three times and last night was the only time it was remotely interesting. Let me tell you why...
Once we got there, and discovered how dead the place was we opted to drink until our $5 cover seemed worthwhile and bail. But just as we got to the bottom of our beers, some dude flipped over the pool table. Seriously. Flipped the thing upside down. It was insane. Even more insane was that he then went directly to the bar and ordered a beer as though nothing had happened.
But then the bouncers show up and tear dude apart and the cops show up and all that fun stuff happens, and suddenly the place is interesting. All the while "The Best Damn Beat Downs 2" is on TV and everyone is watching fights. Needless to say the extreme drunks there were getting a little worked up.
This brings me up to todays lesson:
Never try to pick up at the bar after a fight has broken out.
Heres why.
Remember that cute little girl in the pink tank top who's been giving you the eye all night? Well dude, she's spent a lot of the night talking to that arsehole with the dirtstash who's acting like the typical bayman back from Alberta throwing money around. And while she looks incredibly bored with him and interested in you, he's incredibly drunk and interested in all the violence he just witnessed. So I'd try not to rackjack him if I were you.
Now, for the record I was the one passing along with advise, as my years of being a total pussy have taught me the best ways to avoid getting my ass kicked. And heeding my advise saved me from having to get my buddy's back, which in all honesty would have consisted of me being a decoy and just taking some hits before I ran away.
Now, I hate Junctions. Thats important to know here. I've been there a grand total of three times and last night was the only time it was remotely interesting. Let me tell you why...
Once we got there, and discovered how dead the place was we opted to drink until our $5 cover seemed worthwhile and bail. But just as we got to the bottom of our beers, some dude flipped over the pool table. Seriously. Flipped the thing upside down. It was insane. Even more insane was that he then went directly to the bar and ordered a beer as though nothing had happened.
But then the bouncers show up and tear dude apart and the cops show up and all that fun stuff happens, and suddenly the place is interesting. All the while "The Best Damn Beat Downs 2" is on TV and everyone is watching fights. Needless to say the extreme drunks there were getting a little worked up.
This brings me up to todays lesson:
Never try to pick up at the bar after a fight has broken out.
Heres why.
Remember that cute little girl in the pink tank top who's been giving you the eye all night? Well dude, she's spent a lot of the night talking to that arsehole with the dirtstash who's acting like the typical bayman back from Alberta throwing money around. And while she looks incredibly bored with him and interested in you, he's incredibly drunk and interested in all the violence he just witnessed. So I'd try not to rackjack him if I were you.
Now, for the record I was the one passing along with advise, as my years of being a total pussy have taught me the best ways to avoid getting my ass kicked. And heeding my advise saved me from having to get my buddy's back, which in all honesty would have consisted of me being a decoy and just taking some hits before I ran away.
Sunday, November 26, 2006
Ass, Kick Ass
I was planning on not sucking, but since that every time I started to write a post it began "So Kramer went nuts...", I mean, it was hard not to have something to say about it. Dude went crazy. But I decided to leave it alone. Dennis wrote about it, check it out.
What I finally decided would break my silence is the James Bond film festival I've imposed on myself. I watched Casino Royale the other night and it was purely amazing. By far one of the coolest movies I've seen in a long time. It in fact, got me to give the whole James Bond franchise a second chance.
I had grown tired with Bond in the last little while. I saw Dr. No a long time ago on NTV and it was great, but the more movies I watched the more tired I got. It was like a more drawn out version of the degeneration of Batman, by the Pierce Brosnan movies you might as well have had Joel Schumacher directing the mess.
You watch Die Another Day, and it's fun and goofy and everything you expect from a James Bond movie. But thats not necessarily good. The climax of the movie had 007 in a rocket car, racing a satellite laser beam that focused the Sun's energy into a weapon, and then using parts of said rocket car to windsurf his way back to his invisible Astin Martin to save Halle Berry from a melting ice fortress and then go off to stop the British billionaire who is actually a North Korean colonel who has undergone DNA reassessment from using the laser beam to destroy the DMZ. Seriously.
That's why the second and third Austin Powers movies were so redundant, who needs Mike Myers when Bond is parodying himself in each new installment.
But like the breath of fresh air Batman Begins was, in comes Casino Royale to reboot the franchise and wisk you back to when Bond was just pure cool. Actually, it brings you back to before Bond was as cool as we know him, which actually makes him cooler;
James Bond: Vodka martini.
Bartender: Shaken or stirred?
James Bond: Do I look like I give a damn?
That in mind I went out last night and picked up a bunch of Bond flicks. I have now seen each of the 6 "official" 007s, even that George Lazenby guy, and I've got to give Daniel Craig credit. He's currently in a tie for first place with Sean Connery.
Imagine, it's that good and he has blond hair. Who'd of thunk it. Oh yeah, me and Soup last year after we watched Layer Cake. Do yourself a favour, next time you're at the video store and have a copy of Moonraker in your hand. Put it back. Wait a couple months and buy Casino Royale and watch it over and over again.
What I finally decided would break my silence is the James Bond film festival I've imposed on myself. I watched Casino Royale the other night and it was purely amazing. By far one of the coolest movies I've seen in a long time. It in fact, got me to give the whole James Bond franchise a second chance.
I had grown tired with Bond in the last little while. I saw Dr. No a long time ago on NTV and it was great, but the more movies I watched the more tired I got. It was like a more drawn out version of the degeneration of Batman, by the Pierce Brosnan movies you might as well have had Joel Schumacher directing the mess.
You watch Die Another Day, and it's fun and goofy and everything you expect from a James Bond movie. But thats not necessarily good. The climax of the movie had 007 in a rocket car, racing a satellite laser beam that focused the Sun's energy into a weapon, and then using parts of said rocket car to windsurf his way back to his invisible Astin Martin to save Halle Berry from a melting ice fortress and then go off to stop the British billionaire who is actually a North Korean colonel who has undergone DNA reassessment from using the laser beam to destroy the DMZ. Seriously.
That's why the second and third Austin Powers movies were so redundant, who needs Mike Myers when Bond is parodying himself in each new installment.
But like the breath of fresh air Batman Begins was, in comes Casino Royale to reboot the franchise and wisk you back to when Bond was just pure cool. Actually, it brings you back to before Bond was as cool as we know him, which actually makes him cooler;
James Bond: Vodka martini.
Bartender: Shaken or stirred?
James Bond: Do I look like I give a damn?
That in mind I went out last night and picked up a bunch of Bond flicks. I have now seen each of the 6 "official" 007s, even that George Lazenby guy, and I've got to give Daniel Craig credit. He's currently in a tie for first place with Sean Connery.
Imagine, it's that good and he has blond hair. Who'd of thunk it. Oh yeah, me and Soup last year after we watched Layer Cake. Do yourself a favour, next time you're at the video store and have a copy of Moonraker in your hand. Put it back. Wait a couple months and buy Casino Royale and watch it over and over again.
Wednesday, November 15, 2006
When should you wear an apron to a club?
I suck.
It's been two full weeks since the last post, and well over a month since I've written something I, or apparently anyone else, find remotely amusing. While I don't write, I do spend an embarrassing amount of time on networking sites. Not actually being productive mind you, just kinda tweaking profiles and getting in contact with old friends and that sort of thing.
In fact, I just signed up for Facebook yesterday. It's way better than MySpace, but only recently opened up to people who aren't attending school. I'm still staying away from Hi5 and all that, but Facebook is actually kind of kickass. I have an rss feed set up on Facebook which directly posts my blog posts on my profile. Which I think proves to be pretty awesome.
It should also bring in 4 people to read this post, and that will give me 1000 "official" visitors!
That's right, the kick in the ass that made me write this entry was when my weekly traffic report showed up and informed me that I was 10 visitors away from 1000! By the time I started this I was at 996. I know a 1000 website hits isn't a big deal, and it isn't actually the total number, its just the total since I added the counter. But it's great to be able to see the numbers of visitors I'm getting and where they're from. The kick also came from the 9 average visitors a day. At the high point there were well over 20 and that was only about a month ago. So, to see it drop that low sucks, and lets me know I need to get my arse in gear.
And someone told me off in the comments. Luckily Dennis has my back.
But everything I just rambled on about doesn't answer the question I know is just picking away at you:
Q - When should you wear an apron to a club?
A - Not often.
But once and a while it's okay to do. I know this not from personally wearing an apron at a club, but from interacting with a pretty crazy guy who did.
His name was Brad or something and he was hitting up the GSBM with his recently
single brother who was lamenting over his ex-girlfriend. Brad, however, refused to let this effect his night and decided to wear a green frilly grandma apron out to the bar. It worked brilliantly! Not only did the pockets hold multiple beers, it also attracted the attention of a ton of hot girls who all thought he was "wacky fun" and kept hanging out and taking pictures. Like the one I have posted there.
Telling you, dude is a visionary.
It's been two full weeks since the last post, and well over a month since I've written something I, or apparently anyone else, find remotely amusing. While I don't write, I do spend an embarrassing amount of time on networking sites. Not actually being productive mind you, just kinda tweaking profiles and getting in contact with old friends and that sort of thing.
In fact, I just signed up for Facebook yesterday. It's way better than MySpace, but only recently opened up to people who aren't attending school. I'm still staying away from Hi5 and all that, but Facebook is actually kind of kickass. I have an rss feed set up on Facebook which directly posts my blog posts on my profile. Which I think proves to be pretty awesome.
It should also bring in 4 people to read this post, and that will give me 1000 "official" visitors!
That's right, the kick in the ass that made me write this entry was when my weekly traffic report showed up and informed me that I was 10 visitors away from 1000! By the time I started this I was at 996. I know a 1000 website hits isn't a big deal, and it isn't actually the total number, its just the total since I added the counter. But it's great to be able to see the numbers of visitors I'm getting and where they're from. The kick also came from the 9 average visitors a day. At the high point there were well over 20 and that was only about a month ago. So, to see it drop that low sucks, and lets me know I need to get my arse in gear.
And someone told me off in the comments. Luckily Dennis has my back.
But everything I just rambled on about doesn't answer the question I know is just picking away at you:
Q - When should you wear an apron to a club?
A - Not often.
But once and a while it's okay to do. I know this not from personally wearing an apron at a club, but from interacting with a pretty crazy guy who did.
His name was Brad or something and he was hitting up the GSBM with his recently
single brother who was lamenting over his ex-girlfriend. Brad, however, refused to let this effect his night and decided to wear a green frilly grandma apron out to the bar. It worked brilliantly! Not only did the pockets hold multiple beers, it also attracted the attention of a ton of hot girls who all thought he was "wacky fun" and kept hanging out and taking pictures. Like the one I have posted there.Telling you, dude is a visionary.
Tuesday, October 31, 2006
Reproduction of the dumbest
You know how Darwin went to that island and came back with the whole 'survival of the fittest' thing. How only the strong survive? Well that's true. But with that in mind I want you to examine a new theory; reproduction of the dumbest.
It all comes from a conversation I had with Dennis the other day. Turns out he works with this dude who's a real knob. I know because I've almost punched the guy a couple times following confrontations at the Sundance and anyone who knows me knows I'm a bit of a puss so that should speak volumes for his idiotness in and of itself. Anyway, Dennis was telling me how this dude has one kid already, he has another one on the way with his current girlfriend and is talking about ditching her for this other girl he wants to hook up with. All the while trying to get a job at McDonalds for the health benefits.
Dennis' advice was not to break up with his girlfriend, and to buy a box of condoms.
This got me thinking. You know how for years we've been hearing how standardized test scores are dropping and kids are getting dumber on average. Well it's not because of television or video games as we've constantly been told. It's because morons like this dude who are too stupid to wrap it up are watering down the education system with their idiot offspring. Meanwhile the intelligent, responsible sector of the population who are more likely to parent smarter children are careful and generally try to plan pregnancy resulting in smaller families.
I'm not saying that anyone who has an unplanned pregnancy is stupid and will produce stupid kids. I'm just saying it's like that old expression "Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me". This guy is already staring down two kids from two different moms and is already talking about cheating on his pregnant girlfriend with a girl who, if the trend continues, will most likely wind up pregnant. For the love of God man, invest in some Trojans, or at least pull out.
But what do I know, I used the word "idiotness" in this post.
It all comes from a conversation I had with Dennis the other day. Turns out he works with this dude who's a real knob. I know because I've almost punched the guy a couple times following confrontations at the Sundance and anyone who knows me knows I'm a bit of a puss so that should speak volumes for his idiotness in and of itself. Anyway, Dennis was telling me how this dude has one kid already, he has another one on the way with his current girlfriend and is talking about ditching her for this other girl he wants to hook up with. All the while trying to get a job at McDonalds for the health benefits.
Dennis' advice was not to break up with his girlfriend, and to buy a box of condoms.
This got me thinking. You know how for years we've been hearing how standardized test scores are dropping and kids are getting dumber on average. Well it's not because of television or video games as we've constantly been told. It's because morons like this dude who are too stupid to wrap it up are watering down the education system with their idiot offspring. Meanwhile the intelligent, responsible sector of the population who are more likely to parent smarter children are careful and generally try to plan pregnancy resulting in smaller families.
I'm not saying that anyone who has an unplanned pregnancy is stupid and will produce stupid kids. I'm just saying it's like that old expression "Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me". This guy is already staring down two kids from two different moms and is already talking about cheating on his pregnant girlfriend with a girl who, if the trend continues, will most likely wind up pregnant. For the love of God man, invest in some Trojans, or at least pull out.
But what do I know, I used the word "idiotness" in this post.
Happy Halloween
In a surprising turn of events an overwhelming 50% of you wanted me to save the candy for me and Dennis. I'm shocked you cared so little about the poor kid's who dressed up and went trick or treating tonight and cared even less about the poor people I work with.
But alas, at 9:30 this morning, the poll was a dead heat between work and home, so I took it to work, because I wanted my candy, and I got the final say. But in a happy turn of events my Aunt Pat didn't get any trick or treaters at all. That bummed her out a bit but means she's bringing me and Dennis candy when she comes into town on Thursday. So there, you get your way and I get more candy.
But alas, at 9:30 this morning, the poll was a dead heat between work and home, so I took it to work, because I wanted my candy, and I got the final say. But in a happy turn of events my Aunt Pat didn't get any trick or treaters at all. That bummed her out a bit but means she's bringing me and Dennis candy when she comes into town on Thursday. So there, you get your way and I get more candy.
Monday, October 30, 2006
Happy Devil's Night
I only took one picture all weekend. That was of some dude dressed as Mr. T who was awesome. So I've decided until some camera happy friends send me the pics they took I'm going to withhold information on how Mardi Gras went. Needless to say, it was in fact, kick ass.
What I'm actually going to spend an unnecessary amount of time talking about is leaf kicking. You all know what I'm talking about. It's inevitable that this time of year you do some leaf kicking. No one out grows it. You're walking down the sidewalk and start kicking the leaves in the gutter, or just kick a pile together on the lawn. It happens. For me it's as much a part of Halloween as eating too much candy or The Simpson's Treehouse of Horror. I think the main reason is because for oh so many of my formative years I spent the fall walking back and forth to NDA via Memorial Avenue.
Now Memorial Avenue isn't Maple Avenue, it's just two streets over, but it has way more maple trees. Every day from Kindergarten to Grade 7 I had to walk home down Memorial, and anytime there where leaves I would always have a huge pile built up by the time I got down to Mel's Mini Mart. From about Grade 4 on it became a contest with my friend Tabitha's little brother Danny, who we always walked home. Such a contest usually resulted in me winning, and throwing him in the big pile of leaves.
Good times.
Oh! I need your help with something! Tonight I picked up some groceries and while there I bought a box of mini Halloween bars. The plan was to give them to the girls upstairs to hand out to trick-or-treaters. I've decided I'm not sure how much I want to do that. Instead, in what my roommate will undoubtedly find ironic, I've decided to let you decide for me via online poll! You have three options and until 9:30am to influence my decision.
<a href="http://micropoll.questionpro.com/akira/MicroPoll?mode=html&id=18773">View MicroPoll</A><br /><a href="http://www.questionpro.com/">Web Survey</a><br />
And for this weeks list, I bring out the big guns.
Watch
Sleepy Hollow - Tim Burton's 1999 version of the legend is great. Not because it has anything to do with the original story, because it doesn't. All they have in common is character names really. But still, I love it. I can't help it. It's one of the most beautifully crafted horror films ever made and has all the classic elements.
The Legend of Sleepy Hollow - The 1949 Disney version narrated by the one and only Bing Crosby. This is Halloween. It's that simple. If you didn't watch this every year when you were a kid I'm going to politely ask you to leave. You're no longer welcome here. But if you have seen it you probably remember the old VHS that had the two cartoons where Micky, Donald, and Goofy were ghost busters and some witch showed up and helped Huey, Dewy, and Louie give Donald shit. If you know where I can get this please let me know!
Read
The Legend of Sleepy Hollow - Washington Irving. I think you know by now that I love this story. It's one of the greatest pieces of American Literature available, and no, I don't think that's being a little extreme. The first time I read it was when I was about 9 and I still remember it. Really people, you need to understand, this story makes my Halloween, every year.
Listen
The Soapbox Halloween Mix (Complete with this weeks additions)
I Put A Spell On You - Screaming Jay Hawkins
Witchy Woman - The Eagles
Witch Doctor - Mark Bragg
Lucky Day In Hell - The Eels
Sympathy For The Devil - The Rolling Stones
They're Coming To Take Me Away - Napoleon XIV
Little Red Riding Hood - Sam The Sham
Monster Mash - Bobby 'Boris' Pickett
Halloween (she gets so mean) - Rob Zombie
Ghostbusters - Ray Parker Jr.
Ghostbusters II - Run DMC
Thriller - Michael Jackson
Red Right Hand - Nick Cave
The Munsters Theme - Los Straitjackets
The Halloween Dance - Reverend Horton Heat
What I'm actually going to spend an unnecessary amount of time talking about is leaf kicking. You all know what I'm talking about. It's inevitable that this time of year you do some leaf kicking. No one out grows it. You're walking down the sidewalk and start kicking the leaves in the gutter, or just kick a pile together on the lawn. It happens. For me it's as much a part of Halloween as eating too much candy or The Simpson's Treehouse of Horror. I think the main reason is because for oh so many of my formative years I spent the fall walking back and forth to NDA via Memorial Avenue.
Now Memorial Avenue isn't Maple Avenue, it's just two streets over, but it has way more maple trees. Every day from Kindergarten to Grade 7 I had to walk home down Memorial, and anytime there where leaves I would always have a huge pile built up by the time I got down to Mel's Mini Mart. From about Grade 4 on it became a contest with my friend Tabitha's little brother Danny, who we always walked home. Such a contest usually resulted in me winning, and throwing him in the big pile of leaves.
Good times.
Oh! I need your help with something! Tonight I picked up some groceries and while there I bought a box of mini Halloween bars. The plan was to give them to the girls upstairs to hand out to trick-or-treaters. I've decided I'm not sure how much I want to do that. Instead, in what my roommate will undoubtedly find ironic, I've decided to let you decide for me via online poll! You have three options and until 9:30am to influence my decision.
And for this weeks list, I bring out the big guns.
Watch
Sleepy Hollow - Tim Burton's 1999 version of the legend is great. Not because it has anything to do with the original story, because it doesn't. All they have in common is character names really. But still, I love it. I can't help it. It's one of the most beautifully crafted horror films ever made and has all the classic elements.
The Legend of Sleepy Hollow - The 1949 Disney version narrated by the one and only Bing Crosby. This is Halloween. It's that simple. If you didn't watch this every year when you were a kid I'm going to politely ask you to leave. You're no longer welcome here. But if you have seen it you probably remember the old VHS that had the two cartoons where Micky, Donald, and Goofy were ghost busters and some witch showed up and helped Huey, Dewy, and Louie give Donald shit. If you know where I can get this please let me know!
Read
The Legend of Sleepy Hollow - Washington Irving. I think you know by now that I love this story. It's one of the greatest pieces of American Literature available, and no, I don't think that's being a little extreme. The first time I read it was when I was about 9 and I still remember it. Really people, you need to understand, this story makes my Halloween, every year.
Listen
The Soapbox Halloween Mix (Complete with this weeks additions)
I Put A Spell On You - Screaming Jay Hawkins
Witchy Woman - The Eagles
Witch Doctor - Mark Bragg
Lucky Day In Hell - The Eels
Sympathy For The Devil - The Rolling Stones
They're Coming To Take Me Away - Napoleon XIV
Little Red Riding Hood - Sam The Sham
Monster Mash - Bobby 'Boris' Pickett
Halloween (she gets so mean) - Rob Zombie
Ghostbusters - Ray Parker Jr.
Ghostbusters II - Run DMC
Thriller - Michael Jackson
Red Right Hand - Nick Cave
The Munsters Theme - Los Straitjackets
The Halloween Dance - Reverend Horton Heat
Sunday, October 22, 2006
Kickass Halloween costume: check
Yesterday started out a bit strange. I woke up early (on my own) and made breakfast. I then discovered that Aliant service was back up, which I found impressive since someone had burned that mother' down the night before. Then I organized the day and went on an adventure.
The first stop was Spun to pick up the Ghost Busters t-shirt I had ordered the day before. Once that was done I grabbed another bus, seemingly one to the Village (to grab yet another bus, because why else would I be at the Village) but bailed early to walk the remainder of the way to the Army Navy store. After stopping off for lunch along the way I got caught in the rain. And for any of you who were in St. John's this weekend you know it wasn't just a light shower. It frigging poured.
After walking about a half hour down Topsail Road, right into Mount Pearl I finally made it to the store and got my flight suit and army boots. Now, it might not be the most extravagant costumes on George Street this year, but it's definitely the kickassiest.
After I got it all straightened away I called a cab because I had no intention on walking again. I dropped off my stuff and went over to the library to get Mercer who had already booked a trip to the mall. We kicked around there for a bit and just as we were leaving I popped into CD Plus and stumbled on a ton of patches. This is awesome because it was the only part of my costume I had left to pick up.
So this year, Maverick's flight suit will feature Green Day, The Dropkick Murphys, The Ramones, Fall Out Boy, and Scarface. Not standard GI patches, but hey, they get the job done.
Here's last week's list.
Watch
Friday the 13th - The original, none of that #47 Jason on Broadway crap. I'm talking Mrs. Voorhees putting an arrow through Kevin Bacon while no one knew what was going on. It's very important to stick to the first 3 movies of this series, because, oddly enough, after Jason gets his hockey mask in #3 it all goes downhill.
Read
Dracula - Bram Stoker. I know it doesn't take place at Halloween, in fact it takes place in the spring and summer, it's still a classic.
Frankenstein - Mary Shelley. Like Dracula, not meant as a Halloween book, but you can't dispute its influence on the holiday.
Listen
I Put a Spell on You - Screaming Jay Hawkins. Yeah, there are other versions of this song, but Screamin' Jay put a sense of batshit crazyness behind it that no one else managed to capture.
The first stop was Spun to pick up the Ghost Busters t-shirt I had ordered the day before. Once that was done I grabbed another bus, seemingly one to the Village (to grab yet another bus, because why else would I be at the Village) but bailed early to walk the remainder of the way to the Army Navy store. After stopping off for lunch along the way I got caught in the rain. And for any of you who were in St. John's this weekend you know it wasn't just a light shower. It frigging poured.
After walking about a half hour down Topsail Road, right into Mount Pearl I finally made it to the store and got my flight suit and army boots. Now, it might not be the most extravagant costumes on George Street this year, but it's definitely the kickassiest.
After I got it all straightened away I called a cab because I had no intention on walking again. I dropped off my stuff and went over to the library to get Mercer who had already booked a trip to the mall. We kicked around there for a bit and just as we were leaving I popped into CD Plus and stumbled on a ton of patches. This is awesome because it was the only part of my costume I had left to pick up.So this year, Maverick's flight suit will feature Green Day, The Dropkick Murphys, The Ramones, Fall Out Boy, and Scarface. Not standard GI patches, but hey, they get the job done.
Here's last week's list.
Watch
Friday the 13th - The original, none of that #47 Jason on Broadway crap. I'm talking Mrs. Voorhees putting an arrow through Kevin Bacon while no one knew what was going on. It's very important to stick to the first 3 movies of this series, because, oddly enough, after Jason gets his hockey mask in #3 it all goes downhill.
Read
Dracula - Bram Stoker. I know it doesn't take place at Halloween, in fact it takes place in the spring and summer, it's still a classic.
Frankenstein - Mary Shelley. Like Dracula, not meant as a Halloween book, but you can't dispute its influence on the holiday.
Listen
I Put a Spell on You - Screaming Jay Hawkins. Yeah, there are other versions of this song, but Screamin' Jay put a sense of batshit crazyness behind it that no one else managed to capture.
Friday, October 20, 2006
I pity the fool who don't have Mr. T in your pocket!
Sales at work were slipping last week so I brought in the ultimate motivational 
tools, a Get Psyched Mix and my Mr. T bobble head. What followed was our best day yet, and at lunch my boss Greg told us that if we could find more of them or even better, a Chuck Norris bobble head, he would pay for them. So at lunch we hit up D
owntown Comics, where I had bought the Mr. T bobble head oh so many years ago, to search for the elusive Norris bobble head, or any other Walker swag.
Sadly the search was in vain, they don't even make a Chuck Norris bobble head. Someone really dropped the ball on that one and are just asking for a roundhouse. But what we found was arguably better. Mr. T is now in my pocket.
This key chain of key chains has "six helluva tough guy sayings" featuring such classics as "Quit cho' jibba jabba", "First name Mister, middle name Period, last name T", and of course "I pity the fool". It's come into great use at work helping keep everyone all upbeat and though sales haven't been through the roof or anything, no one is getting discouraged. Which is key in making sure the slump doesn't last.
Along with the Mr. T merch and Get Psyched Mix we now also end each meeting with a round table of Chuck Norris facts. Seriously, this job is amazing.
I did have the vast majority of this post ready to go yesterday, but Aliant burned down and cell and internet service was out. I have to say, I'm impressed they're back online with everything just 12 hours later. Good for them, and me (some of you know what I'm talking about, and you have to admit, cell service going out all over the city was a good thing for me last night.)
Also, I'm sorry I missed the Halloween post this week, but the final pre-Mardi Gras post will go up early this week, hopefully going over my as-yet-to-happen Harbour Haunt experience. And I'll post the full Halloween CD mix.
tools, a Get Psyched Mix and my Mr. T bobble head. What followed was our best day yet, and at lunch my boss Greg told us that if we could find more of them or even better, a Chuck Norris bobble head, he would pay for them. So at lunch we hit up D
owntown Comics, where I had bought the Mr. T bobble head oh so many years ago, to search for the elusive Norris bobble head, or any other Walker swag.Sadly the search was in vain, they don't even make a Chuck Norris bobble head. Someone really dropped the ball on that one and are just asking for a roundhouse. But what we found was arguably better. Mr. T is now in my pocket.
This key chain of key chains has "six helluva tough guy sayings" featuring such classics as "Quit cho' jibba jabba", "First name Mister, middle name Period, last name T", and of course "I pity the fool". It's come into great use at work helping keep everyone all upbeat and though sales haven't been through the roof or anything, no one is getting discouraged. Which is key in making sure the slump doesn't last.
Along with the Mr. T merch and Get Psyched Mix we now also end each meeting with a round table of Chuck Norris facts. Seriously, this job is amazing.
I did have the vast majority of this post ready to go yesterday, but Aliant burned down and cell and internet service was out. I have to say, I'm impressed they're back online with everything just 12 hours later. Good for them, and me (some of you know what I'm talking about, and you have to admit, cell service going out all over the city was a good thing for me last night.)
Also, I'm sorry I missed the Halloween post this week, but the final pre-Mardi Gras post will go up early this week, hopefully going over my as-yet-to-happen Harbour Haunt experience. And I'll post the full Halloween CD mix.
Thursday, October 12, 2006
And it begins...
I was starting to get the shakes. After playing 5 nights a week last winter I haven't played hockey since June, and I've been going nuts. But today I went in to the MUNSU office to say hi to some people and was informed
of a potential game for tonight. I followed up on it and sure enough I've got a game tonight. I'm officially psyched beyond repair.
Now, don't get me wrong. I suck at hockey. I only played my two years peewee and quit. Then when I started college three years ago they had a rec team so I bought some gear and started playing again. By last year I was skating at least five nights a week, and loving every minute of it. I had a weekly game lined up for the summer, and should have been playing whenever I got back in town, but by the time Monday night rolled around I was just way too tired to play hockey. But now I've got this skate lined up and hopefully it can become a weekly thing.
The Sunday Knights started up in Grand Falls Sunday night and I sadly wasn't there for it. It was really bummed out I missed it but luckily I found a game that while I'm sure won't live up to the glory of the Knights, or Vipers (my rec league team) I'll at least get to keep at it.
Oh yeah, that picture is me last year playing for the college team. Note the "C" on my chest. Yeah, we were that hard up.
of a potential game for tonight. I followed up on it and sure enough I've got a game tonight. I'm officially psyched beyond repair.Now, don't get me wrong. I suck at hockey. I only played my two years peewee and quit. Then when I started college three years ago they had a rec team so I bought some gear and started playing again. By last year I was skating at least five nights a week, and loving every minute of it. I had a weekly game lined up for the summer, and should have been playing whenever I got back in town, but by the time Monday night rolled around I was just way too tired to play hockey. But now I've got this skate lined up and hopefully it can become a weekly thing.
The Sunday Knights started up in Grand Falls Sunday night and I sadly wasn't there for it. It was really bummed out I missed it but luckily I found a game that while I'm sure won't live up to the glory of the Knights, or Vipers (my rec league team) I'll at least get to keep at it.
Oh yeah, that picture is me last year playing for the college team. Note the "C" on my chest. Yeah, we were that hard up.
Wednesday, October 11, 2006
Collecting the "no"s
It's official, my new job kicks ass. While I always said I didn't want to go into sales I have to admit it's working for me. In fact, this morning, I made our teams first sale. It felt awesome.
The weird thing is, it totally goes against my usual methods of procurement. Keeping in mind of course customers aren't what I usually try to procure.
You see, a long time ago I heard the phrase "collecting the 'no's". This is when a guy goes to a bar, hits on every women in sight and gets repeatedly turned down before eventually finding that inevitable 'yes'. I always thought this was the dumbest idea ever. Well, next to calling a Halloween party "Mardi Gras".
I subscribe to the idea of focus. If you go after too many girls at once you: a) spread yourself too thin and don't provide her with the proper amount of attention and; b) will undoubtedly get caught and not get any girl at all.
That's how I treated the whole sales thing yesterday. I went through the sheets of names picking out the ones that based on location, business, title, etc. I thought would be interested in what I was offering. But that failed miserably. So today I just ran through the list and got a sale right off the bat. I probably would have done better on the day had it not been for the fact that no one I called was in today. I got everyones voicemail, so I'll call them back tomorrow and see how that goes.
And yes, I can in fact find some way to relate everything to picking up girls.
The weird thing is, it totally goes against my usual methods of procurement. Keeping in mind of course customers aren't what I usually try to procure.
You see, a long time ago I heard the phrase "collecting the 'no's". This is when a guy goes to a bar, hits on every women in sight and gets repeatedly turned down before eventually finding that inevitable 'yes'. I always thought this was the dumbest idea ever. Well, next to calling a Halloween party "Mardi Gras".
I subscribe to the idea of focus. If you go after too many girls at once you: a) spread yourself too thin and don't provide her with the proper amount of attention and; b) will undoubtedly get caught and not get any girl at all.
That's how I treated the whole sales thing yesterday. I went through the sheets of names picking out the ones that based on location, business, title, etc. I thought would be interested in what I was offering. But that failed miserably. So today I just ran through the list and got a sale right off the bat. I probably would have done better on the day had it not been for the fact that no one I called was in today. I got everyones voicemail, so I'll call them back tomorrow and see how that goes.
And yes, I can in fact find some way to relate everything to picking up girls.
Tuesday, October 10, 2006
Why I both hate and love Mardi Gras
I know, the Halloween post is usually on Sunday night. But Sunday night I was dragged out on tryptophan and just crashed. At the time I did have a post planned called "what I learned from every vampire movie ever" but when I actually tried to write it I realized that what I learned is nothing, because they always say "forget what you've seen in the movies..." and then go on to contradict every common legend about vampires. So I scrapped that idea.
Then yesterday instead of being dragged out on tryptophan I was hopped up on the adrenaline of quitting my job at Teletech. I lasted two whole weeks, which was about 3 weeks too long, but hey, I'm out of there so who cares.
Anyway on with the post.
As you might have noticed that I like Halloween. But despite this, I'm not a huge fan of Mardi Gras held here in St Johns Halloween weekend, and heres why; it's a stupid idea. Don't get me wrong, I'm all for a costume party with scantily clad drunk girls, in fact I host 2-3 of them each week, but if you're going to do it, give it an appropriate name. Don't give it a name that translates to "fat Tuesday" and is in fact meant to be the day of Carnival before Ash Wednesday and a celebration of excess before the start of lent.
Call it something that actually has to do with Halloween. There's all kinds of potential here but no, some dumbass who didn't take French in the second grade decided that it would be fun to call it Mardi Gras because that translates to "costumed, drunken debauchery" in Moron. I understand people, its past the point of changing the name, and hell, I'll go down to George Street and party it up with the rest of them, but I will be doing it in silent protest that St John's Mardi Gras is a sham! But its a damn good time all the same.
Well, I'm told it is. I went down for it last year for the first time. I didn't enjoy myself. It's one of those things where there was just too much happening to focus. Also, I went with people who dragged me around looking for their friends, which was okay and all, but it would have been nice to find my friends too.
So there you go. I love Mardi Gras for what it is, a huge frigging Halloween party, but hate it for what it's called, because it confuses the hell out of people who aren't from Newfoundland and don't know that they just named it that for no proper reason, while annoying people from Newfoundland who realize how stupid it is to call it Mardi Gras.
Watch
Abbott & Costello Meet Frankenstein. A comedic horror classic. It's got Lon Chaney Jr as the Wolf Man, Bela Lugosi as Dracula, and some dude who isn't Boris Karloff as Frankenstein's Monster. What more could you ask for then those guys chasing around Abbott & Costello? Thats right...nothing more.
Interview with the Vampire . Before Tom Cruise went batshit crazy he made some good movies. I think that this was one of them. It's a great telling of a great story. Way better than that Queen of the Damned piece of crap that was supposed to be direct to video but got released because Aliyah died and they figured people would go see it. Anyway, Brad Pitt is awesome in this and the end credits features what has been described by Slash as "the sound of Guns N' Roses breaking up". I'm talking about the real Guns N Roses, not that shitty new version that should actually be called Fatty McAsshole & 9 dudes that aren't Slash.
Read
The collective works of Stephen King, that shit is bound to creep you out.
Listen
Sympathy for the Devil - Guns N Roses. Thats what I was talking about before. I know the Stones version is the original and classic, but Slash has actually said that this was the band breaking up. After this GNR just stopped. But if you want to listen to both versions I highly recommend it.
Monster Mash - Bobby "Boris" Pickett. This just goes without saying. I can't believe it took me this long to list it here.
They're Coming to Take Me Away Ha Haaa - Napoleon XIV "They're coming to take me away haha/ They're coming to take me away hoho hehe to the funny farm..." This song stills just creeps me the fuck out. When I was a kid my aunt had it on a tape and whenever I heard it my skin would crawl. Turns out it's about the guys dog, but still...
Then yesterday instead of being dragged out on tryptophan I was hopped up on the adrenaline of quitting my job at Teletech. I lasted two whole weeks, which was about 3 weeks too long, but hey, I'm out of there so who cares.
Anyway on with the post.
As you might have noticed that I like Halloween. But despite this, I'm not a huge fan of Mardi Gras held here in St Johns Halloween weekend, and heres why; it's a stupid idea. Don't get me wrong, I'm all for a costume party with scantily clad drunk girls, in fact I host 2-3 of them each week, but if you're going to do it, give it an appropriate name. Don't give it a name that translates to "fat Tuesday" and is in fact meant to be the day of Carnival before Ash Wednesday and a celebration of excess before the start of lent.
Call it something that actually has to do with Halloween. There's all kinds of potential here but no, some dumbass who didn't take French in the second grade decided that it would be fun to call it Mardi Gras because that translates to "costumed, drunken debauchery" in Moron. I understand people, its past the point of changing the name, and hell, I'll go down to George Street and party it up with the rest of them, but I will be doing it in silent protest that St John's Mardi Gras is a sham! But its a damn good time all the same.
Well, I'm told it is. I went down for it last year for the first time. I didn't enjoy myself. It's one of those things where there was just too much happening to focus. Also, I went with people who dragged me around looking for their friends, which was okay and all, but it would have been nice to find my friends too.
So there you go. I love Mardi Gras for what it is, a huge frigging Halloween party, but hate it for what it's called, because it confuses the hell out of people who aren't from Newfoundland and don't know that they just named it that for no proper reason, while annoying people from Newfoundland who realize how stupid it is to call it Mardi Gras.
Watch
Abbott & Costello Meet Frankenstein. A comedic horror classic. It's got Lon Chaney Jr as the Wolf Man, Bela Lugosi as Dracula, and some dude who isn't Boris Karloff as Frankenstein's Monster. What more could you ask for then those guys chasing around Abbott & Costello? Thats right...nothing more.
Interview with the Vampire . Before Tom Cruise went batshit crazy he made some good movies. I think that this was one of them. It's a great telling of a great story. Way better than that Queen of the Damned piece of crap that was supposed to be direct to video but got released because Aliyah died and they figured people would go see it. Anyway, Brad Pitt is awesome in this and the end credits features what has been described by Slash as "the sound of Guns N' Roses breaking up". I'm talking about the real Guns N Roses, not that shitty new version that should actually be called Fatty McAsshole & 9 dudes that aren't Slash.
Read
The collective works of Stephen King, that shit is bound to creep you out.
Listen
Sympathy for the Devil - Guns N Roses. Thats what I was talking about before. I know the Stones version is the original and classic, but Slash has actually said that this was the band breaking up. After this GNR just stopped. But if you want to listen to both versions I highly recommend it.
Monster Mash - Bobby "Boris" Pickett. This just goes without saying. I can't believe it took me this long to list it here.
They're Coming to Take Me Away Ha Haaa - Napoleon XIV "They're coming to take me away haha/ They're coming to take me away hoho hehe to the funny farm..." This song stills just creeps me the fuck out. When I was a kid my aunt had it on a tape and whenever I heard it my skin would crawl. Turns out it's about the guys dog, but still...
Sunday, October 08, 2006
Adventures in trying to make my own turkey (with updates)
The saga that is about to be unfolded before you began about 2 or 3 weeks ago in a conversation that went something along the lines of
Me: Dennis?
Dennis: Yes?
Me: Are you going home for Thanksgiving?
Dennis: No, I don't imagine I'll go home now until Christmas, why?
Me: I'm not going home either, so I was wondering, what do you think about us deep frying a turkey?
Dennis: I think that it sounds like it would be good. However, it will never happen.
Me: What about cooking a turkey the normal way.
Dennis: If you want to cook it, go ahead, I'll eat it. But I still don't actually see it happening.
Then I spent the next couple weeks planning out the cooking of the turkey. I emailed Mom in Alberta and got her to send me recipes and stuff, still figuring at the last minute someone would call and say "You want to come over for turkey" and me saying okay and not cooking. But apparently I'm not that popular and yesterday I went out and bought a turkey. I named it Bessie. Then today I got up and prepped the turkey and discovered the "pope's nose" and changed the bird's name to Dave. Seriously, you ain't never seen a set like this turkey had.
Anyway, it's in the oven cooking away. I stuffed it, and I think I'm still going to make some extra stuffing cause I love it and slowly throughout the day you can expect updates on things like "peeling potatoes", "mashing potatoes", and "Salmonella". Stayed tuned, it should be exciting.
20 Minutes in...
The smoke alarm just went off for the first time.
5 Minutes later...
It happened again. This time it Dennis came up with me, noting that there is no actual smoke. We decided it might just be the turkey is too close to the top burner, so we're going to lower the rack.
2 hours in
Dave has been basted, covered in tin foil, and is currently roasting in his own juices. But he smells damn good. I made more dressing than I could actually fit in the bird, so I just stuck a pouch of it in the oven. It should be ready at about 5:30 and give us an idea of what we're in for. The turkey itself won't be ready for about an hour or so after that, so when I go up then I'll get the carrots, potatoes, and all that ready.
3 & 1/4 Hours
The extra dressing is done and frigging delicious. My fears are relieved somewhat since the dressing turned out the way it was supposed to. The carrots are in and the potatoes are ready to go.
...15 minutes later
The batteries are temporarily out of the smoke alarm. Once the potatoes went on that damn thing started to freak out, so I dismantled it for the sake of the next half hour. Hopefully it will be okay.
And it's done!
Success! I am proud to say not only did I not burn the house to the ground, not only did I not kill us by serving undercooked food, I made a moist, tasty, "grandma quality" turkey for Thanksgiving. I also made some deadly mashed potatoes, carrots and some killer dressing. I am awesome!
I also put the batteries back in the smoke detector and cleaned up. Not bad at all. Dennis has even said that if we're in the same city next year he's coming over for some turkey. A complement I do not take lightly.
Right now, I'm going to go do the standard post turkey nap, but I'll be back later tonight with the Halloween post.
Me: Dennis?
Dennis: Yes?
Me: Are you going home for Thanksgiving?
Dennis: No, I don't imagine I'll go home now until Christmas, why?
Me: I'm not going home either, so I was wondering, what do you think about us deep frying a turkey?
Dennis: I think that it sounds like it would be good. However, it will never happen.
Me: What about cooking a turkey the normal way.
Dennis: If you want to cook it, go ahead, I'll eat it. But I still don't actually see it happening.
Then I spent the next couple weeks planning out the cooking of the turkey. I emailed Mom in Alberta and got her to send me recipes and stuff, still figuring at the last minute someone would call and say "You want to come over for turkey" and me saying okay and not cooking. But apparently I'm not that popular and yesterday I went out and bought a turkey. I named it Bessie. Then today I got up and prepped the turkey and discovered the "pope's nose" and changed the bird's name to Dave. Seriously, you ain't never seen a set like this turkey had.Anyway, it's in the oven cooking away. I stuffed it, and I think I'm still going to make some extra stuffing cause I love it and slowly throughout the day you can expect updates on things like "peeling potatoes", "mashing potatoes", and "Salmonella". Stayed tuned, it should be exciting.
20 Minutes in...
The smoke alarm just went off for the first time.
5 Minutes later...
It happened again. This time it Dennis came up with me, noting that there is no actual smoke. We decided it might just be the turkey is too close to the top burner, so we're going to lower the rack.
2 hours in
Dave has been basted, covered in tin foil, and is currently roasting in his own juices. But he smells damn good. I made more dressing than I could actually fit in the bird, so I just stuck a pouch of it in the oven. It should be ready at about 5:30 and give us an idea of what we're in for. The turkey itself won't be ready for about an hour or so after that, so when I go up then I'll get the carrots, potatoes, and all that ready.
3 & 1/4 Hours
The extra dressing is done and frigging delicious. My fears are relieved somewhat since the dressing turned out the way it was supposed to. The carrots are in and the potatoes are ready to go.
...15 minutes later
The batteries are temporarily out of the smoke alarm. Once the potatoes went on that damn thing started to freak out, so I dismantled it for the sake of the next half hour. Hopefully it will be okay.
And it's done!
Success! I am proud to say not only did I not burn the house to the ground, not only did I not kill us by serving undercooked food, I made a moist, tasty, "grandma quality" turkey for Thanksgiving. I also made some deadly mashed potatoes, carrots and some killer dressing. I am awesome!
I also put the batteries back in the smoke detector and cleaned up. Not bad at all. Dennis has even said that if we're in the same city next year he's coming over for some turkey. A complement I do not take lightly.
Right now, I'm going to go do the standard post turkey nap, but I'll be back later tonight with the Halloween post.
Friday, October 06, 2006
Suit up!
So, I like suits. It's a well known fact, and in my eyes not a big deal. While obviously I subscribe to the Barney Stinson school of life (girls, suits, booze, girls, blogs, girls), the wearing of suits and sports jackets is something I've been a big advocate for for some time now. My first year in college for instance I wrote a paper on the subject called "Class Dismissed" about how society has become too casual. If you don't believe me ask Dick Butt. (tehehe, Dick Butt - seriously my English teacher in college)Anyway, I got a new job today, and I'm incredibly psyched because it's a real job. None of this "Thank you for calling Sprint..." bullshit. I start work for Hospitality Marketing Concepts on Tuesday. It's a sales job and I work on the 9th floor of a building downtown and while it's not a requirement, wearing a suit to this job is acceptable.
I will of course, because hell, it's me.
But there are reasons why wearing a suit is not only awesome, but also incredibly functional. Here are some examples of why suits are cool.
1) They make you look good
2) They have multiple pockets to easily hold things such as keys, cell phones, and prophylactics
3) They make you more confident (seriously, a good fitting suit makes you feel awesome)
4) The knot of a tie is a good place to put your sunglasses when you're not wearing them
5) You get more respect when suited up
6) The women go crazy for a sharp dressed man
There are my top six reasons you should wear a suit. And remember what Barney says kids; "You never get your moneys worth when you wear jeans to a strip club."
Thursday, October 05, 2006
A third entry...
Steph has sent in another logo, complete with the changes recommended in the comments. I think this one definitely captures the title of the blog better, what with the little fauxhawked dude looking all confused with the megaphone at his side standing on a soapbox. I don't think it could be any more literal.Still feel free to leave comments on it. But I think this may be the winner. It will take some time for me to convert to a website format and post the logo, but goshdarned it I'm going to do it. It seems much more reasonable than my harebrained "deep fry a turkey on Sunday" idea.
Wednesday, October 04, 2006
Updates on the best of the Soapbox
Go Cats Go!
Thanks have to go out to Sheena, the Sabertooth totally slipped my mind, mainly because thats a bit much, even for me. For those of you who didn't read the comment she left it was just a reminder of a left out age bracket, the 50+. While I dispute the Puma classification I whole heartedly believe this both exists and is somewhat creepy.
Bayfriend
The age class amendment for the ladies also reminded me of a subclass of the bayfriend. The 'old dude' is like the male version of a Cougar, but with younger prey. He is usually younger than the Cougar as well, normally falling in the 25-40 demographic. I don't want any argument on this one because we all went to high school with a girl who thought her 28 year old boyfriend was so cool, leaving you to ask a) if he's so cool why is he dating a 16 year old and b) why isn't he in prison. I'll admit that this is totally a double standard based on sex but hey, if its so unfair, write a blog about it.
Skeet fights
You heard it here first! Last week the CBC and various over media outlets ran stories about this. Apparently, kids throughout Newfoundland Labrador (I left out the and on purpose to ridicule the provinces idiotic rebranding) have been starting fight clubs. One in Corner Brook even drew crowds of about 150 teens. I would like to point out that I wrote about skeet fights a week before this shit ever made the news, furthering the proof that bloggers are way more efficient at relaying the news than the actual news. I would also like to point out that skeet fight club is still completely and utterly moronic.
The first rule of skeet fight club; don't talk about skeet fight club,
The second rule of skeet fight club; don't forget to make faces and throw up the devil horns in the background of the camera shot while your buddy is being interviewed by CBC television about skeet fight club.
Thanks have to go out to Sheena, the Sabertooth totally slipped my mind, mainly because thats a bit much, even for me. For those of you who didn't read the comment she left it was just a reminder of a left out age bracket, the 50+. While I dispute the Puma classification I whole heartedly believe this both exists and is somewhat creepy.
Bayfriend
The age class amendment for the ladies also reminded me of a subclass of the bayfriend. The 'old dude' is like the male version of a Cougar, but with younger prey. He is usually younger than the Cougar as well, normally falling in the 25-40 demographic. I don't want any argument on this one because we all went to high school with a girl who thought her 28 year old boyfriend was so cool, leaving you to ask a) if he's so cool why is he dating a 16 year old and b) why isn't he in prison. I'll admit that this is totally a double standard based on sex but hey, if its so unfair, write a blog about it.
Skeet fights
You heard it here first! Last week the CBC and various over media outlets ran stories about this. Apparently, kids throughout Newfoundland Labrador (I left out the and on purpose to ridicule the provinces idiotic rebranding) have been starting fight clubs. One in Corner Brook even drew crowds of about 150 teens. I would like to point out that I wrote about skeet fights a week before this shit ever made the news, furthering the proof that bloggers are way more efficient at relaying the news than the actual news. I would also like to point out that skeet fight club is still completely and utterly moronic.
The first rule of skeet fight club; don't talk about skeet fight club,
The second rule of skeet fight club; don't forget to make faces and throw up the devil horns in the background of the camera shot while your buddy is being interviewed by CBC television about skeet fight club.
Monday, October 02, 2006
Go Cats Go!
After a long talk with Satchmo the other night it was decided I should write a post about Cougars, Pumas, MILFs, and other classifications of the fairer sex. It was decided I should be the one to write it because of the primary research I've conducted in the matter as well as extensive secondary research online .
This isn't the first time I've considered approaching the topic. My first year in college I was given an open topic PowerPoint presentation which I originally titled "Mating Habits of the Grand Falls Cougar". However, it was decided that the instructor wouldn't appreciate it, even though, let's be honest: Penny doesn't know. Either way, now is as good a time as any to do a little write up.
Before I go on I need to make several things very clear. 1) This is based on ages relative to a guy in his early 20s. 2) Not all girls in these age groups fall into these categories, and 3) This is supposed to be funny so take the stick out of your ass before leaving comments criticizing my objectification of women.
We should start with Jailbait. Jailbait is obvious, well the definition of the term is. Jailbait itself isn't always as easy to pick out, particularly after 3am. Its the younger girls who dress and act way older than they actually are. The legal threat they pose can be countered with one simple phrase, and repeat after me; "Your Honor, if she's in the bar she's supposed to be 19. It's really the bouncer's fault."
After Jailbait there's a group that doesn't really have a name. They fall into the broadly accepted age bracket for a guy my age about 18-29. There isn't really anything funny to write here so I'll move right along.
It was at one time broadly accepted(by me) that the previous category extended right up to 34 and 35 and up was a Cougar. Recently, Satchmo enlightened me to a category I didn't know existed. The Puma is a woman between 30-39. According to Satchmo, Sally Jesse Raphael has informed the 12 people who still watch her show that this is in some way fact. I feel I know more about it than Sally, but hey, I'll humor Satch.
The Cougar is therefore defined as a woman 40 and up. I don't know how much I like this, since I think the Puma category should be eliminated and Cougar status should be achieved at 35. There is something about Cougars that most people commonly confuse, Cougars and MILFs are two different things for this one reason Cougars don't have kids. That's pretty much the only difference. Well, kind of...
The term MILF was made famous by the movie American Pie. You know what it stands for, so I'm not going to get into it. But here's the thing: a MILF has to be hot, otherwise she's not a MILF. Cougars aren't always hot, sometimes they're just sad. That's important to remember here. Also there is another stipulation a lot of people over look;
You know that hot girl you went to high school with that popped out a kid in the eleventh grade, well she's not a MILF, shes a girl your age who happens to have a kid. The trick to the MILF is grown kids who you could not possibly be the father of. That's the taboo of the MILF, someone who can get legitimately pissed off that you think their mom is hot.
I hope this little lesson better helps you better understand the different terms and their meanings. For more information Google them to see what you find. I just don't recommend doing it at work.
This isn't the first time I've considered approaching the topic. My first year in college I was given an open topic PowerPoint presentation which I originally titled "Mating Habits of the Grand Falls Cougar". However, it was decided that the instructor wouldn't appreciate it, even though, let's be honest: Penny doesn't know. Either way, now is as good a time as any to do a little write up.
Before I go on I need to make several things very clear. 1) This is based on ages relative to a guy in his early 20s. 2) Not all girls in these age groups fall into these categories, and 3) This is supposed to be funny so take the stick out of your ass before leaving comments criticizing my objectification of women.
We should start with Jailbait. Jailbait is obvious, well the definition of the term is. Jailbait itself isn't always as easy to pick out, particularly after 3am. Its the younger girls who dress and act way older than they actually are. The legal threat they pose can be countered with one simple phrase, and repeat after me; "Your Honor, if she's in the bar she's supposed to be 19. It's really the bouncer's fault."
After Jailbait there's a group that doesn't really have a name. They fall into the broadly accepted age bracket for a guy my age about 18-29. There isn't really anything funny to write here so I'll move right along.
It was at one time broadly accepted(by me) that the previous category extended right up to 34 and 35 and up was a Cougar. Recently, Satchmo enlightened me to a category I didn't know existed. The Puma is a woman between 30-39. According to Satchmo, Sally Jesse Raphael has informed the 12 people who still watch her show that this is in some way fact. I feel I know more about it than Sally, but hey, I'll humor Satch.
The Cougar is therefore defined as a woman 40 and up. I don't know how much I like this, since I think the Puma category should be eliminated and Cougar status should be achieved at 35. There is something about Cougars that most people commonly confuse, Cougars and MILFs are two different things for this one reason Cougars don't have kids. That's pretty much the only difference. Well, kind of...
The term MILF was made famous by the movie American Pie. You know what it stands for, so I'm not going to get into it. But here's the thing: a MILF has to be hot, otherwise she's not a MILF. Cougars aren't always hot, sometimes they're just sad. That's important to remember here. Also there is another stipulation a lot of people over look;
You know that hot girl you went to high school with that popped out a kid in the eleventh grade, well she's not a MILF, shes a girl your age who happens to have a kid. The trick to the MILF is grown kids who you could not possibly be the father of. That's the taboo of the MILF, someone who can get legitimately pissed off that you think their mom is hot.
I hope this little lesson better helps you better understand the different terms and their meanings. For more information Google them to see what you find. I just don't recommend doing it at work.
Sunday, October 01, 2006
Halloween - brought to you by the same people as St Paddys Day
October is finally here. I'm no longer jumping the gun on this whole thing and I can officially tote Halloween's awesomeness without people saying "Dude, it's only September."
I figure I should ring in the month by giving you a brief history of Halloween. See, it all started when the Celt's would celebrate Samhain (the festival, not the pumpkin headed guy from the Ghostbusters). It was the halfway point of the solstices and supposedly the one night each year when the boundaries between the dead and the living were let down. They did all kinds of kooky shit to celebrate and eventually the Christians showed up and tried to "church-up" the holiday. In 835 Pope Greg the forth decried that November 1 would be All Saint's Day, or All Hallow's Day, making the 31 of October All Hallow's Eve, or Halloween as we know it today.
The whole Trick or Treating thing goes back to the Celt's though. They used to leave out candy corn, Milk Duds, and small bags of Doritos for ghosts, ghouls, and other netherworld baddies to snack on so they wouldn't get all pissed off and stir up some shit.
In North America we started celebrating Halloween around the turn of the 19th century because up until then the puritans who founded the continent had a stick up their ass and wouldn't even celebrate Christmas because they thought it was sac-religious.
I also thought I'd throw out some historical Halloweens for you;
835 - Pope Gregory IV declares November 1 All Saint's Day.
179? - Ichabod Crane gets ownt by the Headless Horseman
1864 - Nevada becomes the 36th state
1926 - Harry Houdini dies, some creepy shit surrounds the death, but if you want to find out you'll have to look it up on Wikipedia
1938 - Orson Welles does the whole War of the Worlds thing and the entire eastern seaboard shits its pants
1961 - Peter Jackson, director of LOTR and the Frighteners is born
1963 - Rob Schneider is born - scary
1968 - Vanilla Ice is born
1978 - John Carpenters Halloween comes out, thus creating the slasher genre. Virgin's everywhere use the excuse "I want to survive a horror movie"
1984 - My first Halloween. In an event that foreshadowed my love of Halloween and childhood weight problem I take my first steps ever to walk across the room to get candy after my mom refuses to give me anymore. This is also out of protest that she dressed me like a bunny.
1993 - River Phoenix dies outside the Viper Room in LA
2002 - I get IDed 5 times in 45 minutes at Mingles when they doubt my fake ID. They couldn't prove it was a fake, but I storm out angrily and boycott the bar until I actually turn 19.
2006 - It hasn't happened yet, but it will indeed be awesome and thus deserving of being listed here.
Also, tonight I went to the Allans Video down the road and picked up a bunch of movies, so now I'll be watching along with you.
Watch:
Hocus Pocus - That movie is how Halloween's should be. You, your little sister, the hottest girl in school, and a talking cat should totally be chased around by witches and a zombie only to have you save the day and get the girl.
Van Helsing - Yeah, its not going to win any awards, but its a great popcorn movie. It combines the big three movie monsters and has Kate Beckinsale looking hot as balls in a corset and leather pants. Whats not to love?
Read:
Goosebumps - RL Stein You read them when you were a kid and they were awesome. I have no idea where any of my old ones are now, but if I did I'd totally hit that up. I remember one called "The Werewolf of Fever Lake" or something like that. Classic.
Hear:
Halloween (She gets so mean) - Rob Zombie I picked up this Halloween Hootenanny CD a few years back and this was on it. The whole CD is good for a laugh. Rob Zombie put it together and it's all kinds of Halloween themed bands and songs. He does this song with a instrumental surf band called The Ghastly Ones. Reverend Horton Heat have a song on it and Los Straitjackets do the theme from The Munsters.
I figure I should ring in the month by giving you a brief history of Halloween. See, it all started when the Celt's would celebrate Samhain (the festival, not the pumpkin headed guy from the Ghostbusters). It was the halfway point of the solstices and supposedly the one night each year when the boundaries between the dead and the living were let down. They did all kinds of kooky shit to celebrate and eventually the Christians showed up and tried to "church-up" the holiday. In 835 Pope Greg the forth decried that November 1 would be All Saint's Day, or All Hallow's Day, making the 31 of October All Hallow's Eve, or Halloween as we know it today.
The whole Trick or Treating thing goes back to the Celt's though. They used to leave out candy corn, Milk Duds, and small bags of Doritos for ghosts, ghouls, and other netherworld baddies to snack on so they wouldn't get all pissed off and stir up some shit.
In North America we started celebrating Halloween around the turn of the 19th century because up until then the puritans who founded the continent had a stick up their ass and wouldn't even celebrate Christmas because they thought it was sac-religious.
I also thought I'd throw out some historical Halloweens for you;
835 - Pope Gregory IV declares November 1 All Saint's Day.
179? - Ichabod Crane gets ownt by the Headless Horseman
1864 - Nevada becomes the 36th state
1926 - Harry Houdini dies, some creepy shit surrounds the death, but if you want to find out you'll have to look it up on Wikipedia
1938 - Orson Welles does the whole War of the Worlds thing and the entire eastern seaboard shits its pants
1961 - Peter Jackson, director of LOTR and the Frighteners is born
1963 - Rob Schneider is born - scary
1968 - Vanilla Ice is born
1978 - John Carpenters Halloween comes out, thus creating the slasher genre. Virgin's everywhere use the excuse "I want to survive a horror movie"
1984 - My first Halloween. In an event that foreshadowed my love of Halloween and childhood weight problem I take my first steps ever to walk across the room to get candy after my mom refuses to give me anymore. This is also out of protest that she dressed me like a bunny.
1993 - River Phoenix dies outside the Viper Room in LA
2002 - I get IDed 5 times in 45 minutes at Mingles when they doubt my fake ID. They couldn't prove it was a fake, but I storm out angrily and boycott the bar until I actually turn 19.
2006 - It hasn't happened yet, but it will indeed be awesome and thus deserving of being listed here.
Also, tonight I went to the Allans Video down the road and picked up a bunch of movies, so now I'll be watching along with you.
Watch:
Hocus Pocus - That movie is how Halloween's should be. You, your little sister, the hottest girl in school, and a talking cat should totally be chased around by witches and a zombie only to have you save the day and get the girl.
Van Helsing - Yeah, its not going to win any awards, but its a great popcorn movie. It combines the big three movie monsters and has Kate Beckinsale looking hot as balls in a corset and leather pants. Whats not to love?
Read:
Goosebumps - RL Stein You read them when you were a kid and they were awesome. I have no idea where any of my old ones are now, but if I did I'd totally hit that up. I remember one called "The Werewolf of Fever Lake" or something like that. Classic.
Hear:
Halloween (She gets so mean) - Rob Zombie I picked up this Halloween Hootenanny CD a few years back and this was on it. The whole CD is good for a laugh. Rob Zombie put it together and it's all kinds of Halloween themed bands and songs. He does this song with a instrumental surf band called The Ghastly Ones. Reverend Horton Heat have a song on it and Los Straitjackets do the theme from The Munsters.
Ooh competition!
Roger my boy, you've got some competition!
Steph from the Snowy Driveway has also done a logo for me, and like all things related to the Driveway, it kicks ass.
It's now up to you, the good people who actually waste your time reading this shit to decide between Rogers logo.
And Stephs logo.
I think it's going to be a tight race, but those of you who care can leave messages toting your favorite of the two by commenting.
I know I haven't been there for you guys lately, but there will be the weekly Halloween post later on tonight, and an in depth look the levels of Cougar-dom that resulted from a conversation with Satchmo, and that's coming up probably tomorrow or Tuesday depending how much work makes me die inside tomorrow.
So let me know what you think of the logos and check back later for #3 of the "it was a dark and stormy night..." series.
Steph from the Snowy Driveway has also done a logo for me, and like all things related to the Driveway, it kicks ass.
It's now up to you, the good people who actually waste your time reading this shit to decide between Rogers logo.
And Stephs logo.
I think it's going to be a tight race, but those of you who care can leave messages toting your favorite of the two by commenting.I know I haven't been there for you guys lately, but there will be the weekly Halloween post later on tonight, and an in depth look the levels of Cougar-dom that resulted from a conversation with Satchmo, and that's coming up probably tomorrow or Tuesday depending how much work makes me die inside tomorrow.
So let me know what you think of the logos and check back later for #3 of the "it was a dark and stormy night..." series.
Wednesday, September 27, 2006
I hate my job
Sorry for not posting in a few day but I've been busy wanting to shoot myself.
At 7:00am Monday morning I started my job at TeleTech, a call center in Mount Pearl, and by 7:05am began trying to think of inventive ways to kill myself. By 7:15 I wasn't worried about it being inventive just as long as it worked.
That place just drains energy from people. Well most people. My "trainer" actually thrives on the place and the diluted sense of grandeur she receives from being a "trainer". She's not even a real trainer, she's training to be a trainer. I swear I haven't been this patronized in a classroom since I was 10 years old. But luckily where she's just doing her certification we get to assess her, and believe me, it wont be pretty.
The people in the training class with me are cool enough. Well, enough of them are to make it tolerable at least on a social scale. I think we found the set crew that will be taking advantage of the two can dine for $5 at the Burger King down the road.
But back to the soul sucking, and when I say sucking, I mean in the bad, non-happy ending way. It's sad to see talented people wasting away there. A friend of mine, who referred me, is a talented writer, and he's told me he just hasn't been inspired to do any writing since he started there. I understand, because if it wasn't for this little expose berating the place I wouldn't be writing now either.
I've already gone on one new job interview since I started there, unfortunately the position I was applying for isn't available but they have me on a list. I have two more resumes out that I'm waiting to hear on and the determination to get the eff out of TeleTech before I finish the four weeks of training. I've got meetings to take and all kinds of prospects in the air. Fingers crossed people.
But all this bitching isn't helping, I've got to try to be more positive...I'm positive the place is horrible. There we go.
A couple updates-
Roger Sellars, master marketeer stepped up to the logo challenge. He did several banners for me, especially when I started asking him to tweak it for me and this is the outcome:
I think it's pretty darn snazzy. I don't have it put up as the banner yet but I do have the logo put over there in the corner. Feel free to use it if you want to link the site. And thanks again Roger!
Also, my roommate Dennis went to the Village Mall today. When I asked him what the hell he was doing, he told me it was because his buddy had to go to SportChek to get a squash racket. Thus proving me awesome again.
At 7:00am Monday morning I started my job at TeleTech, a call center in Mount Pearl, and by 7:05am began trying to think of inventive ways to kill myself. By 7:15 I wasn't worried about it being inventive just as long as it worked.
That place just drains energy from people. Well most people. My "trainer" actually thrives on the place and the diluted sense of grandeur she receives from being a "trainer". She's not even a real trainer, she's training to be a trainer. I swear I haven't been this patronized in a classroom since I was 10 years old. But luckily where she's just doing her certification we get to assess her, and believe me, it wont be pretty.
The people in the training class with me are cool enough. Well, enough of them are to make it tolerable at least on a social scale. I think we found the set crew that will be taking advantage of the two can dine for $5 at the Burger King down the road.
But back to the soul sucking, and when I say sucking, I mean in the bad, non-happy ending way. It's sad to see talented people wasting away there. A friend of mine, who referred me, is a talented writer, and he's told me he just hasn't been inspired to do any writing since he started there. I understand, because if it wasn't for this little expose berating the place I wouldn't be writing now either.
I've already gone on one new job interview since I started there, unfortunately the position I was applying for isn't available but they have me on a list. I have two more resumes out that I'm waiting to hear on and the determination to get the eff out of TeleTech before I finish the four weeks of training. I've got meetings to take and all kinds of prospects in the air. Fingers crossed people.
But all this bitching isn't helping, I've got to try to be more positive...I'm positive the place is horrible. There we go.
A couple updates-
Roger Sellars, master marketeer stepped up to the logo challenge. He did several banners for me, especially when I started asking him to tweak it for me and this is the outcome:
I think it's pretty darn snazzy. I don't have it put up as the banner yet but I do have the logo put over there in the corner. Feel free to use it if you want to link the site. And thanks again Roger!Also, my roommate Dennis went to the Village Mall today. When I asked him what the hell he was doing, he told me it was because his buddy had to go to SportChek to get a squash racket. Thus proving me awesome again.
Sunday, September 24, 2006
The Naughty Factor
BOO!
Scared you didn't I? No? Oh well. Either way here is this weeks Halloween entry. This weeks post is about costumes.
There's a lot of great ideas for Halloween costumes out there. I prefer the classics; your vampires, superheroes, ghosts, and monsters that kind of thing. Sometimes throwing in a popular movie character for good measure. While this year's current choice "Maverick" is indeed an awesome one, it's not really what I want. In the recent past some of my costumes have been re-hashed based on time restrictions and lack of resources. Here's the complete list:
2005 - Clark Kent (I had planned on Darkwing Duck but the costume fell through at the last minute so I re-suited up)
2004 - Don Vito Chorleone
2003 - Clark Kent
2002 - The Devil
2001 - Silent Bob
2000 - The Wolf Man
1999 - The Ghost Faced Killer (I'm not proud of the back to back Scream Killer years, but it was the late 90's and I was trying to be cool and indifferent)
1998 - The Ghost Faced Killer
1997 - Gothic Vampire
1996 - Dr. Jekyll/Mr. Hyde
1995 - The Headless Horseman
1994 - Dracula
1993 - Commander William T. Riker
1992 - Batman
1991 - Robin Hood
1990 - Dracula
1989 - Batman
1988 -1984 Pre-kindergarten costumes included Batman, the Wolf Man, a bunny, and something else, but I don't remember because I was really little
There's always the concept of multi-costuming. I mean, there's at least 2 solid nights to every weekend, and that's not counting the actual Halloween night, and possible parties throughout the week. So having a couple different costumes can't hurt. As a wise man once said, that way you "have a second chance to make a first impression."
There is a catch with Halloween costumes. Girls always have twice the costume options. This is both bad and good. It's bad because it's unfair that they have more selection than guys, but its good because the options are doubled based on the "naughty factor". This is how girls get to let down there neckline and let their slut flag fly. Not all girls take advantage of this, but enough do to make it awesome. Here's an example; a girl wants to be a witch she can be either a) a witch or b) a naughty witch. I'm not saying opting for the "naughty" choice makes you a slut, but I am saying it makes you awesome.
The Naughty Factor is something I've been praising for years, and it was even exposed on last years Halloween episode of HIMYM, which also gave me the idea for the Maverick costume. But friends will admit I've been toting the glory of the Naughty Factor for years (Byrne, I'm looking to you for validation on this).
So there you have it, the Naughty Factor. It's totally a thing.
Here is this week's homework
Watch:
The Frighteners - Before Peter Jackson became known as one of the most amazing filmmakers in the history of ever by making the Lord of the Rings trilogy he made The Frighteners. It stars Michael J Fox as a would be ghostbuster who's kind of down on his luck since, luckily for him Jake Busey shows up and starts offing people (it's important to know that Busey's character is a mass murderer who got the chair a long time before the movie takes place.) You'll notice that Busey's grim reaper like appearance is eerily similar to that of the Ring Wraiths. Either way, it should be noted that when watching the movie I noted the similar cinematography and style to LOTR only to see "Directed by Peter Jackson" show up in the credits. I only hope someday Peter Jackson and Tim Burton make a baby, because despite being a slobbish artsy nut bag, he (or she) will make the most beautifully shot scary movies ever.
Fallen - Denzel Washington stars with John Goodman in this thriller about a cop who, after witnessing the execution of a serial killer, discovers the killer was possessed by a fallen angel called Azazel who passes through host bodies by touch. Never before has someone singing the Rolling Stones "Time is on my Side" been creepier. Watch for an appearance by Codco alumn Robert Joy as one of the possessed victims.
Read:
The Vampyre - John Polidori. This one is pretty short so you'll have plenty of time to watch movies and listen to music. The background of this one is what makes it so legendary. In June of 1816 Lord Byron had a few friends stop by his villa on Lake Geneva. A challenge was issued to the guests to write a scary story. Byron wrote something no one remembers, as did Percy Shelley. Shelley's wife Mary wrote a little novel called Frankenstein and Byron's personal physician John Polidori wrote The Vampyre. The first gothic vampire story. It's about this orphan named Aubrey who winds up traveling Europe with the mysterious Lord Ruthven. I don't want to give away the plot...but Ruthven winds up being a vampire. I read an adaptation of this when I was like 10 and it holds up as one of my favorite stories.
Hear:
Witch Doctor - Mark Bragg. A local boy done good. This ain't the Witch Doctor you heard the Chipmonks squeak out when you were a kid. It's awesome though. I highly recommend checking it out. Don't download it though, buy Bear Music, support local artists.
Witchy Woman - The Eagles. You know how certain bands remind you of certain things? Well despite being the quintessential laid back California rock band, the Eagles always remind me of the fall of the year. I think it's mostly to do with how that's when their tape/CD always showed up in my Aunt Pat's car music cycle, but all the same songs like Hotel California, which is about hell, and this one, which is about, well, a witch, make for some good October listening.
Oh yeah, here's one for the phrase book.
Naughty Factor: [naw-tee fak-ter] (noun)- the doubling of Halloween costume options for females by giving them the regular option, and the naughty version of the same costume.
Scared you didn't I? No? Oh well. Either way here is this weeks Halloween entry. This weeks post is about costumes.
There's a lot of great ideas for Halloween costumes out there. I prefer the classics; your vampires, superheroes, ghosts, and monsters that kind of thing. Sometimes throwing in a popular movie character for good measure. While this year's current choice "Maverick" is indeed an awesome one, it's not really what I want. In the recent past some of my costumes have been re-hashed based on time restrictions and lack of resources. Here's the complete list:
2005 - Clark Kent (I had planned on Darkwing Duck but the costume fell through at the last minute so I re-suited up)
2004 - Don Vito Chorleone
2003 - Clark Kent
2002 - The Devil
2001 - Silent Bob
2000 - The Wolf Man
1999 - The Ghost Faced Killer (I'm not proud of the back to back Scream Killer years, but it was the late 90's and I was trying to be cool and indifferent)
1998 - The Ghost Faced Killer
1997 - Gothic Vampire
1996 - Dr. Jekyll/Mr. Hyde
1995 - The Headless Horseman
1994 - Dracula
1993 - Commander William T. Riker
1992 - Batman
1991 - Robin Hood
1990 - Dracula
1989 - Batman
1988 -1984 Pre-kindergarten costumes included Batman, the Wolf Man, a bunny, and something else, but I don't remember because I was really little
There's always the concept of multi-costuming. I mean, there's at least 2 solid nights to every weekend, and that's not counting the actual Halloween night, and possible parties throughout the week. So having a couple different costumes can't hurt. As a wise man once said, that way you "have a second chance to make a first impression."
There is a catch with Halloween costumes. Girls always have twice the costume options. This is both bad and good. It's bad because it's unfair that they have more selection than guys, but its good because the options are doubled based on the "naughty factor". This is how girls get to let down there neckline and let their slut flag fly. Not all girls take advantage of this, but enough do to make it awesome. Here's an example; a girl wants to be a witch she can be either a) a witch or b) a naughty witch. I'm not saying opting for the "naughty" choice makes you a slut, but I am saying it makes you awesome.
The Naughty Factor is something I've been praising for years, and it was even exposed on last years Halloween episode of HIMYM, which also gave me the idea for the Maverick costume. But friends will admit I've been toting the glory of the Naughty Factor for years (Byrne, I'm looking to you for validation on this).
So there you have it, the Naughty Factor. It's totally a thing.
Here is this week's homework
Watch:
The Frighteners - Before Peter Jackson became known as one of the most amazing filmmakers in the history of ever by making the Lord of the Rings trilogy he made The Frighteners. It stars Michael J Fox as a would be ghostbuster who's kind of down on his luck since, luckily for him Jake Busey shows up and starts offing people (it's important to know that Busey's character is a mass murderer who got the chair a long time before the movie takes place.) You'll notice that Busey's grim reaper like appearance is eerily similar to that of the Ring Wraiths. Either way, it should be noted that when watching the movie I noted the similar cinematography and style to LOTR only to see "Directed by Peter Jackson" show up in the credits. I only hope someday Peter Jackson and Tim Burton make a baby, because despite being a slobbish artsy nut bag, he (or she) will make the most beautifully shot scary movies ever.
Fallen - Denzel Washington stars with John Goodman in this thriller about a cop who, after witnessing the execution of a serial killer, discovers the killer was possessed by a fallen angel called Azazel who passes through host bodies by touch. Never before has someone singing the Rolling Stones "Time is on my Side" been creepier. Watch for an appearance by Codco alumn Robert Joy as one of the possessed victims.
Read:
The Vampyre - John Polidori. This one is pretty short so you'll have plenty of time to watch movies and listen to music. The background of this one is what makes it so legendary. In June of 1816 Lord Byron had a few friends stop by his villa on Lake Geneva. A challenge was issued to the guests to write a scary story. Byron wrote something no one remembers, as did Percy Shelley. Shelley's wife Mary wrote a little novel called Frankenstein and Byron's personal physician John Polidori wrote The Vampyre. The first gothic vampire story. It's about this orphan named Aubrey who winds up traveling Europe with the mysterious Lord Ruthven. I don't want to give away the plot...but Ruthven winds up being a vampire. I read an adaptation of this when I was like 10 and it holds up as one of my favorite stories.
Hear:
Witch Doctor - Mark Bragg. A local boy done good. This ain't the Witch Doctor you heard the Chipmonks squeak out when you were a kid. It's awesome though. I highly recommend checking it out. Don't download it though, buy Bear Music, support local artists.
Witchy Woman - The Eagles. You know how certain bands remind you of certain things? Well despite being the quintessential laid back California rock band, the Eagles always remind me of the fall of the year. I think it's mostly to do with how that's when their tape/CD always showed up in my Aunt Pat's car music cycle, but all the same songs like Hotel California, which is about hell, and this one, which is about, well, a witch, make for some good October listening.
Oh yeah, here's one for the phrase book.
Naughty Factor: [naw-tee fak-ter] (noun)- the doubling of Halloween costume options for females by giving them the regular option, and the naughty version of the same costume.
Saturday, September 23, 2006
Ooh a contest! Exciting!
It's the first ever Soapbox Photoshop Challenge!
Your mission, should you choose to accept it is to pimp out the logo so the Soapbox can continue its quest to not suck. I'm thinking in the near future I might make it a legitimate website, complete with a fancy bluestarscollide.com url and other fancy things.
But, before I get that hardcore with it, I need a decent logo. I like the idea of a soapbox and megaphone, and maybe someone stood on it or something. It's really up to you. But I want it all tricked out and cool looking, maybe throw some spinners on that shit or some grond effect or... not do that at all. Like I said, totally up to you. The prize for coming up with the logo has yet to be detirmined, but it will be cool, I promise.
To enter just email your logo to michaelhickey@gmail.com
Friday, September 22, 2006
"We will be what is 'up' St. John's!"
So I started my internet browsing today like I do most days, I hit up the Snowy Driveway for my daily dose of hilarity via Steph's blog and the link roll. In today's link roll there was a link simply titled 'Hit Cocaine'. Of course, like all the links I checked it out and discovered that 'Cocaine' is not just a helluva drug, it's also a new energy drink that makes Red Bull look like breast milk (ie. what a baby might drink).
The stuff is supposedly 350% stronger than Red Bull, now my
question to you is why is that necessary and my question to me is now, will I try it? I think no, it's not necessary, but yeah, I'll probably give it a go all the same. I won't drink it as often as Red Bull, which isn't much at all, because a) it makes me feel guilty because it's supposedly so bad for you, and just a placebo and b) I have a hard time paying over $3 for a drink without alcohol in it.
My favorite tidbit of info on 'the new coke' is that the link roll of keywords generated from the article consisted of "culture, nightlife, Lindsay Lohan". Oh then I laughed...
Check it out here.
The stuff is supposedly 350% stronger than Red Bull, now my
question to you is why is that necessary and my question to me is now, will I try it? I think no, it's not necessary, but yeah, I'll probably give it a go all the same. I won't drink it as often as Red Bull, which isn't much at all, because a) it makes me feel guilty because it's supposedly so bad for you, and just a placebo and b) I have a hard time paying over $3 for a drink without alcohol in it.My favorite tidbit of info on 'the new coke' is that the link roll of keywords generated from the article consisted of "culture, nightlife, Lindsay Lohan". Oh then I laughed...
Check it out here.
Wednesday, September 20, 2006
Skeet Fights - Live at the Village Mall
The Village Mall is only good for 3 things:
1. SportChek
2. A bus depot
3. Making you feel better about yourself
Allow me to explain further.
It has SportChek, something the Avalon Mall doesn't have. I play sports, mostly hockey, but other sports too, and it annoys the shit out of me that I can get everything I need at the Avalon short of hockey stuff. But that's not getting the Village off the hook because there's a bigger, better SportChek on Stavanger, and I can get to places like Future Shop and Wal-Mart if I go there, potentially killing multiple birds with one stone. So that's gone, leaving only two things the Village Mall is good for, one of them being a bus depot.
I think this is what the majority of people at the Village are actually doing there, waiting for a bus. Not just any bus either - a bus to Mount Pearl. It's the only place you can get a transfer to the Pearl from, but sending Route 21 all the way to the Avalon or UC could solve that problem.
Leaving people watching the only reason to go to the Village, and I use the term "people" very loosely.
Ok, I guess I should give you the backstory: today I did what anybody who is between work and can't get EI does...I got a job at a call center. Teletech actually. Why go to the one furthest away from me? Because getting there is going to be such a bitch it will annoy me into continuing the search for a better job. But anyway, on my way back I had a stopover at the Village to wait for the Route 1 and saw several things that brought about this post. Skeet Fights being first and foremost.
Sat on the curb outside the useless Sears (another redundant feature of the Village) was a row of total sketch bags randomly kicking the shit out of each other. This is ok in one sense because it thins out the herd, but completely and utterly idiotic in every other imaginable sense. Seriously, these dudes were pairing off two at a time and just wailing on each other and this one guy, who I'll assume was the "coach", was giving them tips. I actually heard the guy say to some dude who was pinned on the sidewalk "Get away from 'im. I don't care if you gotta bite him, just get out of it!"
It was when I finally managed to pull my eyes away from the train wreck that is these people's lives I saw Pugsley. It was this little kid, I'm guessing he was about 6 or so, and he was there with his dad or grandpa. Anyway, he was quite the pudgy little guy, and to make it all the more hysterical he was wearing a striped t shirt and had a buzz cut, making him look exactly like Pugsley from the Addams Family. It was trippy. But the kid was actually pretty cool. He came over to tell me all about the Route 5, which he just got a brochure on. He asked me what bus I was taking and then called out to me from across the parking lot to let me know it was coming.
But despite Pugsley turning out to be a pretty burnt little kid, the Village Mall sucks. It doesn't even have a fountain anymore. And it especially sucks when you're waiting for your bus and there's all kinds of weird people with windbreakers and fanny packs. Unfortunately, I have to be there at least twice a day until I get a job that doesn't suck. If you're hiring, please save me.
Skeet Fighter: [skeet fahy-ter] (noun) - Sadly, not a superhero dedicated to ridding the world of the evil skeet menace, but actually, a skeet who beats up on other skeets for entertainment purposes. Most often found in a public setting.
1. SportChek
2. A bus depot
3. Making you feel better about yourself
Allow me to explain further.
It has SportChek, something the Avalon Mall doesn't have. I play sports, mostly hockey, but other sports too, and it annoys the shit out of me that I can get everything I need at the Avalon short of hockey stuff. But that's not getting the Village off the hook because there's a bigger, better SportChek on Stavanger, and I can get to places like Future Shop and Wal-Mart if I go there, potentially killing multiple birds with one stone. So that's gone, leaving only two things the Village Mall is good for, one of them being a bus depot.
I think this is what the majority of people at the Village are actually doing there, waiting for a bus. Not just any bus either - a bus to Mount Pearl. It's the only place you can get a transfer to the Pearl from, but sending Route 21 all the way to the Avalon or UC could solve that problem.
Leaving people watching the only reason to go to the Village, and I use the term "people" very loosely.
Ok, I guess I should give you the backstory: today I did what anybody who is between work and can't get EI does...I got a job at a call center. Teletech actually. Why go to the one furthest away from me? Because getting there is going to be such a bitch it will annoy me into continuing the search for a better job. But anyway, on my way back I had a stopover at the Village to wait for the Route 1 and saw several things that brought about this post. Skeet Fights being first and foremost.
Sat on the curb outside the useless Sears (another redundant feature of the Village) was a row of total sketch bags randomly kicking the shit out of each other. This is ok in one sense because it thins out the herd, but completely and utterly idiotic in every other imaginable sense. Seriously, these dudes were pairing off two at a time and just wailing on each other and this one guy, who I'll assume was the "coach", was giving them tips. I actually heard the guy say to some dude who was pinned on the sidewalk "Get away from 'im. I don't care if you gotta bite him, just get out of it!"
It was when I finally managed to pull my eyes away from the train wreck that is these people's lives I saw Pugsley. It was this little kid, I'm guessing he was about 6 or so, and he was there with his dad or grandpa. Anyway, he was quite the pudgy little guy, and to make it all the more hysterical he was wearing a striped t shirt and had a buzz cut, making him look exactly like Pugsley from the Addams Family. It was trippy. But the kid was actually pretty cool. He came over to tell me all about the Route 5, which he just got a brochure on. He asked me what bus I was taking and then called out to me from across the parking lot to let me know it was coming.
But despite Pugsley turning out to be a pretty burnt little kid, the Village Mall sucks. It doesn't even have a fountain anymore. And it especially sucks when you're waiting for your bus and there's all kinds of weird people with windbreakers and fanny packs. Unfortunately, I have to be there at least twice a day until I get a job that doesn't suck. If you're hiring, please save me.
Skeet Fighter: [skeet fahy-ter] (noun) - Sadly, not a superhero dedicated to ridding the world of the evil skeet menace, but actually, a skeet who beats up on other skeets for entertainment purposes. Most often found in a public setting.
Tuesday, September 19, 2006
Pants-Down Davy
I thought I was clear of it.
After a summer spent galloping around in pirate gear singing Gilbert & Sullivan I thought I was freed of my indentures and no longer had to endure piratedom.
But, today is International Talk Like A Pirate Day. So I figured one more day wouldn't hurt.
If you swing over to the Snowy Driveway Steph has put up links to all kinds of fun pirate stuff. Including a translator, a name generator (see above), a pirate quiz (see below), and other fun pirate-y things.
Enjoy, me hearties.
You Are A Pirate!
What Type Of Swashbuckler Are You?
brought to you by Maddog Varuka & Dawg Brown
After a summer spent galloping around in pirate gear singing Gilbert & Sullivan I thought I was freed of my indentures and no longer had to endure piratedom.
But, today is International Talk Like A Pirate Day. So I figured one more day wouldn't hurt.
If you swing over to the Snowy Driveway Steph has put up links to all kinds of fun pirate stuff. Including a translator, a name generator (see above), a pirate quiz (see below), and other fun pirate-y things.
Enjoy, me hearties.
You Are A Pirate!
What Type Of Swashbuckler Are You?
brought to you by Maddog Varuka & Dawg Brown
Monday, September 18, 2006
Hey, Beautiful
After a long long summer it's finally here. The second season of How I Met Your Mother premiers in about an hour! I am psyched beyond repair.
When we last saw it, Ted did a rain dance so he could nail Robyn. Which he did. Good for him. But sadly, when he came home the next morning he found Marshall on the steps crying because him and Lily broke up. Sad times for Marsh. Oh, and if you read Barney's Blog, you'd have discovered that Barney's waterbed busted and he's trying to find a new bed. So that's where tonight should pick up.
I'm telling you people, this show is packing awesome. I opted out of a hockey game tonight to go over to Mercer's to watch the season premier. And if you know how much I love playing hockey, you'll realize that it's a big frigging deal for me to blow off a game to watch TV.
In the meantime try to download "Hey, Beautiful" by the Solids. The band has the show's creators in it and the last 20 seconds of the song serves as the theme to the show. *Blog five*
When we last saw it, Ted did a rain dance so he could nail Robyn. Which he did. Good for him. But sadly, when he came home the next morning he found Marshall on the steps crying because him and Lily broke up. Sad times for Marsh. Oh, and if you read Barney's Blog, you'd have discovered that Barney's waterbed busted and he's trying to find a new bed. So that's where tonight should pick up.
I'm telling you people, this show is packing awesome. I opted out of a hockey game tonight to go over to Mercer's to watch the season premier. And if you know how much I love playing hockey, you'll realize that it's a big frigging deal for me to blow off a game to watch TV.
In the meantime try to download "Hey, Beautiful" by the Solids. The band has the show's creators in it and the last 20 seconds of the song serves as the theme to the show. *Blog five*
Sunday, September 17, 2006
It was a dark and stormy night...
Apparently, stories don't start like that anymore.
Growing up I was always really in to Halloween. It shared the top spot on my favorite holidays list with Christmas my whole life, and if I got presents instead of just candy on Halloween, I would have said "Santa who?"
Something I used to do when I was younger was spend the two full months leading up to Halloween prepping for that one night. I would spend that time watching all kinds of scary movies, reading scary books, and painstakingly narrowing down costume options. I would even make family members help me decorate the house for Halloween the first day of October.
Sadly, over the last few years the Halloween of my youth has been replaced by me scrambling to find a costume at the last minute and my autumns have been filled with me studying and working rather than me getting psyched for Halloween.
I decided that this year I won't let another autumn fall to the wayside. This was brought on by the fact that I'm not in school this year, and also the fact that there's a Friday the 13th in October, something I always thought made the month all the creepier. I'm going to get psyched for Halloween the good old fashioned way. Spending the next month and a half trying to scare the bejesus out of myself.
I've tentatively decided on a costume, but I'm still open to suggestions as "Maverick from Top Gun" doesn't fit in with the theme I've set for myself of having an old school Halloween. So please feel free to leave a comment suggesting a better costume.
I'm also going to make weekly updates on my quest for a classic Halloween and also making some homework for you. I'm going to make recommendations of movies, books, and songs that should get you all in the Halloween spirit. There might even be a full Halloween mix by the time it's all done.
Here is this week's list
Watch:
The Wolf Man - Lon Chaney, Jr. as the Wolf Man is pure classic. This is the way horror movies are supposed to be complete with the dry ice fog and creepy swamp with a werewolf running around.
Monster Squad - Probably my favorite movie when I was a kid. It's about a bunch of kids who have to save the world when Dracula and the other Universal Monsters show up and try to eff shit up. It's just fun.
Read:
Haunted Shores by Dale Jarvis - the Haunted Hike guy compiled a collection of Newfoundland ghost stories. Most of them take place in St John's and theres some pretty creepy stuff. Make sure to read "A Matter of Murder" about the headless ghost of Queen's Road.
Hear:
Lucky Day in Hell - The Eels. This was a song that made it into a lot of those high school-college horror movies in the late 90's. It's just got a really eerie sound to it.
Little Red Riding Hood - Bowling for Soup. This is a cover of a song by Sam the Sham and the Pharaohs, the same guys who brought the world "Wooly Bully". Its basically the wolf hitting on Red. It was the opening to the movie "Cursed" in a boardwalk scene that was a lot like the opening to "The Lost Boys" which you should also watch. I like the Bowling for Soup version just because its got a fuller sound, but Sam the Sham's is probably creepier.
Growing up I was always really in to Halloween. It shared the top spot on my favorite holidays list with Christmas my whole life, and if I got presents instead of just candy on Halloween, I would have said "Santa who?"
Something I used to do when I was younger was spend the two full months leading up to Halloween prepping for that one night. I would spend that time watching all kinds of scary movies, reading scary books, and painstakingly narrowing down costume options. I would even make family members help me decorate the house for Halloween the first day of October.
Sadly, over the last few years the Halloween of my youth has been replaced by me scrambling to find a costume at the last minute and my autumns have been filled with me studying and working rather than me getting psyched for Halloween.
I decided that this year I won't let another autumn fall to the wayside. This was brought on by the fact that I'm not in school this year, and also the fact that there's a Friday the 13th in October, something I always thought made the month all the creepier. I'm going to get psyched for Halloween the good old fashioned way. Spending the next month and a half trying to scare the bejesus out of myself.
I've tentatively decided on a costume, but I'm still open to suggestions as "Maverick from Top Gun" doesn't fit in with the theme I've set for myself of having an old school Halloween. So please feel free to leave a comment suggesting a better costume.
I'm also going to make weekly updates on my quest for a classic Halloween and also making some homework for you. I'm going to make recommendations of movies, books, and songs that should get you all in the Halloween spirit. There might even be a full Halloween mix by the time it's all done.
Here is this week's list
Watch:
The Wolf Man - Lon Chaney, Jr. as the Wolf Man is pure classic. This is the way horror movies are supposed to be complete with the dry ice fog and creepy swamp with a werewolf running around.
Monster Squad - Probably my favorite movie when I was a kid. It's about a bunch of kids who have to save the world when Dracula and the other Universal Monsters show up and try to eff shit up. It's just fun.
Read:
Haunted Shores by Dale Jarvis - the Haunted Hike guy compiled a collection of Newfoundland ghost stories. Most of them take place in St John's and theres some pretty creepy stuff. Make sure to read "A Matter of Murder" about the headless ghost of Queen's Road.
Hear:
Lucky Day in Hell - The Eels. This was a song that made it into a lot of those high school-college horror movies in the late 90's. It's just got a really eerie sound to it.
Little Red Riding Hood - Bowling for Soup. This is a cover of a song by Sam the Sham and the Pharaohs, the same guys who brought the world "Wooly Bully". Its basically the wolf hitting on Red. It was the opening to the movie "Cursed" in a boardwalk scene that was a lot like the opening to "The Lost Boys" which you should also watch. I like the Bowling for Soup version just because its got a fuller sound, but Sam the Sham's is probably creepier.
Thursday, September 14, 2006
I'm getting all political and shit.
Up until now the closest I got to this blog having a political agenda was when I ratted out Soup for walking to work to set gas prices. Even that still kept things pretty light, and so all I'm going to say about the Gerard Kennedy logo that just got added is that I've met the man and I think he's the best person to lead the Liberal party, and hopefully Canada, so I'm proud to show my support for him.
That's enough of that, you want to read more about me being political you can check out "Baltimore Street" the joint blog I started today with my roommate Dennis. I'd put the link here for you, but the link is right over there (-->) under my profile and above the link for Soups rarely updated blog.
Again, I want to thank everyone for coming back to the Soapbox after a summer of no posts. If comments are any indication readership has actually improved, so as long as you keep reading, I'll keep giving you what you apparently like; "typical emo rants about useless topics."
That's enough of that, you want to read more about me being political you can check out "Baltimore Street" the joint blog I started today with my roommate Dennis. I'd put the link here for you, but the link is right over there (-->) under my profile and above the link for Soups rarely updated blog.
Again, I want to thank everyone for coming back to the Soapbox after a summer of no posts. If comments are any indication readership has actually improved, so as long as you keep reading, I'll keep giving you what you apparently like; "typical emo rants about useless topics."
Wednesday, September 13, 2006
Standing on a Soapbox: As linked on the Snowy Driveway
I don't want to spread my creative genius too thin, but I've got a MySpace.
It was something I started back in January. New Year's Day to be exact. Which I think gives me a valid excuse, I was in pretty rough shape that day, and a MySpace seemed like a good idea. But it only seemed like a good idea for that one day, because the next time I posted in it was to inform the 3 "friends" I had in my network that I had started this blog.
Over the summer I stumbled onto the spaces of some people I knew and worked with and decided to give it another shot. So far I've added a bunch of friends, some pictures, and have written 2 blog entries. One saying I was going to try to update it more, and another one of excuses why I haven't.
I've done the usual things in terms of "friend" additions on MySpace. I added people I know, and a couple of my favorite bands. In doing so I also stumbled upon Himynameismark, Mark Hoppus (formerly of blink 182, currently of +44), and I added him. I felt kind of stupid in doing so, because it's not as though he's actually a friend of mine, and despite having access to message him and stuff now, I doubt I'll ever converse with the guy in any way, shape, or form. I just added him because the remnants of the poppunk skater kid I was in high school made me out of nostalgia.
But I also started surfing through other peoples "friends" networks and found other celebrities part of me really wanted to add, just for the sake of being able to. But I didn't because even I thought it would be stupid. It's not as though these celebrities are your actual friends, and it doesn't make you any cooler just because Paulie Shore is in your top 8. Ok, bad example, even if he was your friend it wouldn't make you cool. Lets say...Vince Vaughn*. He's cool.
I was thinking about posting this blog entry on my MySpace instead of this, but to be honest, I don't like it that much. I will however post a bulletin so all my "friends" will come here and read it.
*I was stuck for the name of a legitimately cool celebrity, so thanks to my roommate Dennis for coming up with Vince Vaughn.
It was something I started back in January. New Year's Day to be exact. Which I think gives me a valid excuse, I was in pretty rough shape that day, and a MySpace seemed like a good idea. But it only seemed like a good idea for that one day, because the next time I posted in it was to inform the 3 "friends" I had in my network that I had started this blog.
Over the summer I stumbled onto the spaces of some people I knew and worked with and decided to give it another shot. So far I've added a bunch of friends, some pictures, and have written 2 blog entries. One saying I was going to try to update it more, and another one of excuses why I haven't.
I've done the usual things in terms of "friend" additions on MySpace. I added people I know, and a couple of my favorite bands. In doing so I also stumbled upon Himynameismark, Mark Hoppus (formerly of blink 182, currently of +44), and I added him. I felt kind of stupid in doing so, because it's not as though he's actually a friend of mine, and despite having access to message him and stuff now, I doubt I'll ever converse with the guy in any way, shape, or form. I just added him because the remnants of the poppunk skater kid I was in high school made me out of nostalgia.
But I also started surfing through other peoples "friends" networks and found other celebrities part of me really wanted to add, just for the sake of being able to. But I didn't because even I thought it would be stupid. It's not as though these celebrities are your actual friends, and it doesn't make you any cooler just because Paulie Shore is in your top 8. Ok, bad example, even if he was your friend it wouldn't make you cool. Lets say...Vince Vaughn*. He's cool.
I was thinking about posting this blog entry on my MySpace instead of this, but to be honest, I don't like it that much. I will however post a bulletin so all my "friends" will come here and read it.
*I was stuck for the name of a legitimately cool celebrity, so thanks to my roommate Dennis for coming up with Vince Vaughn.
Who's "baychick"?
Well, the response to the "Bayfriend" post was overwhelming. It prompted more comments than any other entry, and I'm glad to see readership back after all summer.
One quick note about the post though. While most of the response was good, it did prompt some criticism, which I appreciate, that's how things evole and improve. But I wouldn't be me if I didn't scramble to defend myself.
While it may have seemed like it, I wasn't calling every guy from "the bay" a bayfriend. It was meant as a term to describe guys who actually fit the description and situation, and those guys are out there.
By the way, if you troop out the long distance university thing, and actually go the distance and move in together or get married or whatever, good on ya.
One quick note about the post though. While most of the response was good, it did prompt some criticism, which I appreciate, that's how things evole and improve. But I wouldn't be me if I didn't scramble to defend myself.
While it may have seemed like it, I wasn't calling every guy from "the bay" a bayfriend. It was meant as a term to describe guys who actually fit the description and situation, and those guys are out there.
By the way, if you troop out the long distance university thing, and actually go the distance and move in together or get married or whatever, good on ya.
Monday, September 11, 2006
The Bayfriend; not just a 'rural' legend
I'm about to drop some knowledge on you.
In the fall of 2001, I was in grade 12 and working at Allans Video in Grand Falls-Windsor with my friend Mole. School had just started at the College of the North Atlantic and girls from out of town were coming in out of the woodwork. This is when Mole informed me of something he had recently discovered existed: The Bayfriend.
I know you must be thinking "what the eff is Mike getting on with this time?" but allow me to explain to you just what the Bayfriend is.
When very attractive young girls leave their hometowns in search of larger venues, primarily for educational purposes they often leave behind a bayfriend. He's the guy that they went out with in high school because they didn't really have any other options. This guy is usually an idiot, prone to violence, and dependant on marijuana (but in the lame wannabe-gangsta-writing-'chronic'-on-his-belongings kind of way.) To be quite frank, the girl is always out of his league and only with him because her hometown has a population of 17 and sadly, he was the best they had to offer. Also, there's a good chance they've known each other since they were 3 years old and she knew him before he was this stupid.
Either way, the guy is a pain in the ass because he hinders her enjoyment of the post secondary experience (also known as hooking up with me).
For the past five fall semesters I've kept in mind what Mole said that night in the video store, and I've noticed it's true, the Bayfriend isn't something Mole made up to frighten me. They do exist. I think I actually was one. Well, not a bayfriend in the traditional "skeetish" standards, but after I finished high school my girlfriend went on to MUN and I stayed in GF-W, and I know my existence pissed off a lot of guys in St. John's.
OH! That reminds me, there is a way to conquer the bayfriend! Just wait it out, they're usually gone by the second semester.
So add this one to your set of Mike's Terms and Phrases;
bayfriend: [bey-frend] (noun) - male companion that has been chosen but left behind by rural female when she moves to a larger center. Usually a bit of a skeet and picked not based on compatability, but on availability. Most often extinct or endangered by January.
In the fall of 2001, I was in grade 12 and working at Allans Video in Grand Falls-Windsor with my friend Mole. School had just started at the College of the North Atlantic and girls from out of town were coming in out of the woodwork. This is when Mole informed me of something he had recently discovered existed: The Bayfriend.
I know you must be thinking "what the eff is Mike getting on with this time?" but allow me to explain to you just what the Bayfriend is.
When very attractive young girls leave their hometowns in search of larger venues, primarily for educational purposes they often leave behind a bayfriend. He's the guy that they went out with in high school because they didn't really have any other options. This guy is usually an idiot, prone to violence, and dependant on marijuana (but in the lame wannabe-gangsta-writing-'chronic'-on-his-belongings kind of way.) To be quite frank, the girl is always out of his league and only with him because her hometown has a population of 17 and sadly, he was the best they had to offer. Also, there's a good chance they've known each other since they were 3 years old and she knew him before he was this stupid.
Either way, the guy is a pain in the ass because he hinders her enjoyment of the post secondary experience (also known as hooking up with me).
For the past five fall semesters I've kept in mind what Mole said that night in the video store, and I've noticed it's true, the Bayfriend isn't something Mole made up to frighten me. They do exist. I think I actually was one. Well, not a bayfriend in the traditional "skeetish" standards, but after I finished high school my girlfriend went on to MUN and I stayed in GF-W, and I know my existence pissed off a lot of guys in St. John's.
OH! That reminds me, there is a way to conquer the bayfriend! Just wait it out, they're usually gone by the second semester.
So add this one to your set of Mike's Terms and Phrases;
bayfriend: [bey-frend] (noun) - male companion that has been chosen but left behind by rural female when she moves to a larger center. Usually a bit of a skeet and picked not based on compatability, but on availability. Most often extinct or endangered by January.
Tuesday, September 05, 2006
Back to life, back to reality...sort of
So my summer in Trinity is over.
After 3 months of make beleive it's time to try to actually enter society, and I think I'm expected to make a contribution or something. This is kind of freaking me out.
I opted out of going back to school and decided that I want to take some time to explore the whole arts thing. You know, playing music, acting, writing and all that crap. Luckily I still have a college diploma to help me out with finding a day job. Got to pay the bills you know.
This summer was fantastic though. I met and worked with lots of great and talented people in some great shows. I was a soldier, a sailor, a pirate, and a tourist just to name a few. I didn't say much mind you, but I was there.
But the combination of the work I was doing and how much I'm enjoying the whole blogging thing has reinstilled a love for writing I forgot I had, and I've gotten full swing into it again. I started working on a play, I've written a monologue, and I did a sketch that unfortunately got cut for time, but I still wrote it. I also have a couple more ideas kicking around that will hopefully see a page before too long.
The last couple days of the summer were a bit rough and I was a bit rushed leaving, but that was my own fault. You can't dwell on the shitty stuff and have it ruin an otherwise good time. That's a concept the summer also solidified for me.
All that said I'm back to places where I can access the internet without having to walk 45 minutes to use dail up on a library that's never actually open, so I'll be back blogging more. Giving you, my adoring readers, a brief escape to the asinine every other day or so.
After 3 months of make beleive it's time to try to actually enter society, and I think I'm expected to make a contribution or something. This is kind of freaking me out.
I opted out of going back to school and decided that I want to take some time to explore the whole arts thing. You know, playing music, acting, writing and all that crap. Luckily I still have a college diploma to help me out with finding a day job. Got to pay the bills you know.
This summer was fantastic though. I met and worked with lots of great and talented people in some great shows. I was a soldier, a sailor, a pirate, and a tourist just to name a few. I didn't say much mind you, but I was there.
But the combination of the work I was doing and how much I'm enjoying the whole blogging thing has reinstilled a love for writing I forgot I had, and I've gotten full swing into it again. I started working on a play, I've written a monologue, and I did a sketch that unfortunately got cut for time, but I still wrote it. I also have a couple more ideas kicking around that will hopefully see a page before too long.
The last couple days of the summer were a bit rough and I was a bit rushed leaving, but that was my own fault. You can't dwell on the shitty stuff and have it ruin an otherwise good time. That's a concept the summer also solidified for me.
All that said I'm back to places where I can access the internet without having to walk 45 minutes to use dail up on a library that's never actually open, so I'll be back blogging more. Giving you, my adoring readers, a brief escape to the asinine every other day or so.
Friday, June 16, 2006
If I had a friend named Kumar trying to get to Wendy's would probably have been funnier.
So I wrote about how much I love the bus way too soon. Today I had the worst Metrobus day ever, but I figure I jinxed myself.
It starts off when I have to try to get to the back of the friggin' Pearl to pick up a package from DHL because I kept missing the delivery guy. I get on the Route 1, which is supposed to take me to the Village so I can transfer to the 22 and get out to Donovan's (keeping in mind I'm still going to have to walk a good chunk of the way cause not even the bus goes to Clyde Ave). Either way, I catch the 1 at the UC, but its the wrong frigging number 1 and I missed my transfer by about a half hour, and now can't get to DHL because catching the next 22 would be too late.
I should highlight at this point that the "scary bus people" apparently like the Village Mall, because I have never seen so many freaky, creepy people as on the Route 1. And I know, because I had to take the frigging thing twice today. Thats right, the way home came via Route 1 as well. However, again, the route 1 I took was the wrong one, so after getting on it at the Village, it brought me all the way through Cowen Heights and then back to the effing Village!
2 hours later I got home and was starving, and deciding that since I'm leaving town for Trinity tonight, I'd get me some Wendy's. So I head to the UC to catch the Route 3 to the Avalon. I know, I'm a lazy bastard. I get there early and sit on a bench to wait for the bus, which of course is late, and doesn't even give me time to get outside before taking off again. At this point I'm beyond pissed off. I leave to go home and sulk/bitch when I realize the 4 will stop in front of the Arts building any second so I grab that and go get my Wendy's.
It was some good Wendy's.
I want it to be clear I don't blame Metrobus for my shitty day. It was my fault I kept getting on the wrong frigging Route 1, and well...ok, the driver at the UC who left without me is a dick. But either way, that's my first bad bus experience. I'll keep you guy's posted as I'm sure you're concerned.
Oh yeah, like I said, I'm leaving for Trinity in like...26 minutes, so I won't be posting for a bit, try not to miss me too much.
It starts off when I have to try to get to the back of the friggin' Pearl to pick up a package from DHL because I kept missing the delivery guy. I get on the Route 1, which is supposed to take me to the Village so I can transfer to the 22 and get out to Donovan's (keeping in mind I'm still going to have to walk a good chunk of the way cause not even the bus goes to Clyde Ave). Either way, I catch the 1 at the UC, but its the wrong frigging number 1 and I missed my transfer by about a half hour, and now can't get to DHL because catching the next 22 would be too late.
I should highlight at this point that the "scary bus people" apparently like the Village Mall, because I have never seen so many freaky, creepy people as on the Route 1. And I know, because I had to take the frigging thing twice today. Thats right, the way home came via Route 1 as well. However, again, the route 1 I took was the wrong one, so after getting on it at the Village, it brought me all the way through Cowen Heights and then back to the effing Village!
2 hours later I got home and was starving, and deciding that since I'm leaving town for Trinity tonight, I'd get me some Wendy's. So I head to the UC to catch the Route 3 to the Avalon. I know, I'm a lazy bastard. I get there early and sit on a bench to wait for the bus, which of course is late, and doesn't even give me time to get outside before taking off again. At this point I'm beyond pissed off. I leave to go home and sulk/bitch when I realize the 4 will stop in front of the Arts building any second so I grab that and go get my Wendy's.
It was some good Wendy's.
I want it to be clear I don't blame Metrobus for my shitty day. It was my fault I kept getting on the wrong frigging Route 1, and well...ok, the driver at the UC who left without me is a dick. But either way, that's my first bad bus experience. I'll keep you guy's posted as I'm sure you're concerned.
Oh yeah, like I said, I'm leaving for Trinity in like...26 minutes, so I won't be posting for a bit, try not to miss me too much.
Monday, June 12, 2006
The wheels on the bus go 'round and 'round.
This weekend I kept it kind of low key. Friday I was pretty much useless due to a brutal hangover, so Friday night was spent going to pick up my guitar at Chill and trying to get some work done for my job this summer. Saturday night Chris talked me into going to a house party and on the way there I made a startling realization. I love Metrobus.
I knew I always liked the bus, mainly because it was cheap, environmentally friendly transportation (accent on "cheap"), but Saturday I found myself defending the Metrobus system to Mercer, who was ranting about the drivers getting off the bus. Apparently he talked to someone at Metrobus and they're not allowed to do that, but he figures they do because there's no way they can get supervisors to patrol every stop and make sure the driver stays on. I said that's bullshit. The reason the driver gets off the bus is because he or she needs to, and criticizing them for doing so is hypocritical unless you can tell me you have never taken any sort of liberties with a job that weren't necessarily there. That goes for everything from coming in late when you knew your boss wouldn't be there to being logged into MSN on the company computer.
The rebut to my argument was that Metrobus is a public service, and thus, is run for the public, and a driver shouldn't be taking a break to have a smoke if that throws off the schedule and makes a passenger late. I re-rebutted by pointing out that public service or not, the schedule states all times are estimates, and if you need to be somewhere by a certain time you should leave early enough that the driver grabbing a coffee mid route won't make you unforgivably late for wherever you have to be.
The argument went back and forth until a consensus was reached that I was right and Mercer is a wanker. This mostly comes from me being the one telling you the story, and also that the bus was ahead of schedule at the time, so his point is moot.
Now, Saturday night was basically the first time I actually acted on my love of the bus by defending its drivers, but it capped off a long and gradual build up resulting in my loyalty.
It all started just over a year ago, when I first took the bus, and discovered that it does, in fact, kick ass. It's fun. You can kill some time by people watching and taking in the sights of the city while getting where you need to be.
The random people you bump into on the bus also adds to the flavour of the commute. I have met up with old friends on the bus, met up with new friends on the bus and found people I will avoid until the day I die on the bus. The mystery of the people on the bus also adds to the enjoyment. Who are they, where are they going, where are they coming from? All questions that don't get asked, but helps you keep from getting too bored as you wait for your stop.
Last week I even took the bus to a hockey game, which after 45 minutes and a transfer turned out to be cancelled. But at least I got what I think is a funny picture of my gear in the bus shelter at the Avalon Mall.
The point of my rant is simple. You might not like Metrobus, but I do, that is why I do, and also, try to understand that the driver has his or her job to do, and them hopping off the bus for a smoke isn't that big a deal.
For more information on routes and schedules, goto www.metrobus.com, and if all goes well you'll get where you're going, and I'll get a free bus pass out of this.
I knew I always liked the bus, mainly because it was cheap, environmentally friendly transportation (accent on "cheap"), but Saturday I found myself defending the Metrobus system to Mercer, who was ranting about the drivers getting off the bus. Apparently he talked to someone at Metrobus and they're not allowed to do that, but he figures they do because there's no way they can get supervisors to patrol every stop and make sure the driver stays on. I said that's bullshit. The reason the driver gets off the bus is because he or she needs to, and criticizing them for doing so is hypocritical unless you can tell me you have never taken any sort of liberties with a job that weren't necessarily there. That goes for everything from coming in late when you knew your boss wouldn't be there to being logged into MSN on the company computer.
The rebut to my argument was that Metrobus is a public service, and thus, is run for the public, and a driver shouldn't be taking a break to have a smoke if that throws off the schedule and makes a passenger late. I re-rebutted by pointing out that public service or not, the schedule states all times are estimates, and if you need to be somewhere by a certain time you should leave early enough that the driver grabbing a coffee mid route won't make you unforgivably late for wherever you have to be.
The argument went back and forth until a consensus was reached that I was right and Mercer is a wanker. This mostly comes from me being the one telling you the story, and also that the bus was ahead of schedule at the time, so his point is moot.
Now, Saturday night was basically the first time I actually acted on my love of the bus by defending its drivers, but it capped off a long and gradual build up resulting in my loyalty.
It all started just over a year ago, when I first took the bus, and discovered that it does, in fact, kick ass. It's fun. You can kill some time by people watching and taking in the sights of the city while getting where you need to be.
The random people you bump into on the bus also adds to the flavour of the commute. I have met up with old friends on the bus, met up with new friends on the bus and found people I will avoid until the day I die on the bus. The mystery of the people on the bus also adds to the enjoyment. Who are they, where are they going, where are they coming from? All questions that don't get asked, but helps you keep from getting too bored as you wait for your stop.
Last week I even took the bus to a hockey game, which after 45 minutes and a transfer turned out to be cancelled. But at least I got what I think is a funny picture of my gear in the bus shelter at the Avalon Mall.
The point of my rant is simple. You might not like Metrobus, but I do, that is why I do, and also, try to understand that the driver has his or her job to do, and them hopping off the bus for a smoke isn't that big a deal.
For more information on routes and schedules, goto www.metrobus.com, and if all goes well you'll get where you're going, and I'll get a free bus pass out of this.
Saturday, June 03, 2006
Friday, June 02, 2006
Those who like it....are PSYCHED!
You can't see me, but right now I'm crying and singing "Oh Canada" as I drink my first bottle of Alexander Keith's bought in Newfoundland.
That's right, the wait is finally over, and after 4 years of waiting and having to put up with empty kegs, fousty taps, and bars that just don't carry it, it's here. I found out last night when I was at a party and today went to the McEsso to find out for myself. My heart raced as I stormed in through the door to find that it was in fact there.
Of course, me being the lamer I am, documented the trip with pictures on my Palm Treo.
This is me carrying it home from the store.
This is it in the fridge.
This is another fridge shot.
This is me carrying it to my chair.
The first sip!
Now, I know this may not be nearly as exciting for all of you, but let me present you with a scenario:
You're me, you look forward to going to Ottawa in May so you can drink Keith's, which you can't do at home. You get there on a Wednesday, go on a beer run, and come back to where you're staying with a 2-4 which you expect to last til Friday. Since it's the first night you take it kind of easy and only drink about 5 of them. Early the next morning you get a call saying your Pop just died, and you rush home, leaving behind the Keith's. That in the grand scheme of things isn't a big deal. Pop is way higher than Keith's on my hierarchy of concerns, but still, coming home to find out that I can get Keith's here helps the greiving process.
Alexander Keith's. Those who like it, like it a lot.
That's right, the wait is finally over, and after 4 years of waiting and having to put up with empty kegs, fousty taps, and bars that just don't carry it, it's here. I found out last night when I was at a party and today went to the McEsso to find out for myself. My heart raced as I stormed in through the door to find that it was in fact there.
Of course, me being the lamer I am, documented the trip with pictures on my Palm Treo.
This is me carrying it home from the store.
This is it in the fridge.
This is another fridge shot.
This is me carrying it to my chair.
The first sip!
Now, I know this may not be nearly as exciting for all of you, but let me present you with a scenario:
You're me, you look forward to going to Ottawa in May so you can drink Keith's, which you can't do at home. You get there on a Wednesday, go on a beer run, and come back to where you're staying with a 2-4 which you expect to last til Friday. Since it's the first night you take it kind of easy and only drink about 5 of them. Early the next morning you get a call saying your Pop just died, and you rush home, leaving behind the Keith's. That in the grand scheme of things isn't a big deal. Pop is way higher than Keith's on my hierarchy of concerns, but still, coming home to find out that I can get Keith's here helps the greiving process.
Alexander Keith's. Those who like it, like it a lot.
Tuesday, May 30, 2006
Bye Pop.
I know a lot of people who do the tribute blog after a loved one has passed on. I often find it to be a bit excessive because it's usually a poem, or song lyrics, or some other way to show their artistic flare for conveying grief. This puts me at a loss because last week something monumental happened that i need to write about, if for no other reason than to vent about it.
As I mentioned before last week was the Canadian Federation of Students' national general meeting in Ottawa. I've been to the past three of these and this was to be my forth and final. But after getting there Wednesday my meeting was cut short. Thursday at 5 am I got the phone call I've been dreading my whole life. My Pop had died. I immediately contacted the necessary people to get arrangements to get home and by 8 that night I was on my way back to Newfoundland.
It's a horrible thing to have to say goodbye to someone you love, especially when you don't actually get the chance to say goodbye, but I'm going to keep with what got me through the past weekend and tell you some funny stories about my Pop.
Now, one thing you need to know is that my Nan and Pop had been sleeping in seperate beds by the time I was born. This was Pop's fault. First he would snore so loud he would wake himself up and tell Nan to stop snoring, while she was sat up reading. Then came the final straw. One night he woke up and on the way to the washroom stubbed his toe, or hooked his shorts, or something like that in the bed post. He then cursed (which he did a lot) and got a saw and sawed off the bedpost...I think it was the bed hitting the floor that not only gave Nan a bad back, but also woke her up.
He also had some run ins with the family dog, Perk. He used to take Perk in the woods hunting all the time. One night Perk showed up at the house without Pop. Everyone thought this was a sign something was wrong and a search party was formed. On his way out of the woods Pop met the search party and offered them help finding whoever it was they were looking for, they told him not to worry, because it was him. He then cursed on the dog and chased him with the shotgun. Perk just hid under the table, he was used to it I think.
The dog had to hide again when Pop was learning how to drive. It was the summer of 1969 and my Aunt Pat, who already had her licence, was teaching him. As he went to pull into the driveway Perk jumped in front of the car and Pop swerved to miss him and wound up putting the car through the house. This was happening as Neil Armstrong was about to land on the moon. Nan thought he crashed into the living room. Again, Perk spent the week cowering under the table.
All this happened long before I was born, but luckily for me, I was present for some of his finer moments. Like when he was being admitted into the Health Science Center when I was 10, and the nurse asked him if he had his own teeth, to which he replied yes...
Mom: No you don't, Dad
Pop: Yes I do!
Mom: No Dad, you have false teeth
Pop: Goddammit, I paid for them, they're mine!
He also had this old clunker car that was held together mainly by duct tape and shoestring. This was where I heard him say "fuck" for the first and last time, during which he flipped someone the wrong finger. It was also in this car that he said if he won the 649 jackpot, which was about $25 million at the time he would buy himself a brand new car, and he would give my Mom the clunker. He never won the jackpot, and when he gave up driving he sold the car for $150. With $30 worth of gas in it and four brand new tires.
Now, while you might not find this as funny as I do, I guess you had to know Pop. I did know him, and I'm really glad.
As I mentioned before last week was the Canadian Federation of Students' national general meeting in Ottawa. I've been to the past three of these and this was to be my forth and final. But after getting there Wednesday my meeting was cut short. Thursday at 5 am I got the phone call I've been dreading my whole life. My Pop had died. I immediately contacted the necessary people to get arrangements to get home and by 8 that night I was on my way back to Newfoundland.
It's a horrible thing to have to say goodbye to someone you love, especially when you don't actually get the chance to say goodbye, but I'm going to keep with what got me through the past weekend and tell you some funny stories about my Pop.
Now, one thing you need to know is that my Nan and Pop had been sleeping in seperate beds by the time I was born. This was Pop's fault. First he would snore so loud he would wake himself up and tell Nan to stop snoring, while she was sat up reading. Then came the final straw. One night he woke up and on the way to the washroom stubbed his toe, or hooked his shorts, or something like that in the bed post. He then cursed (which he did a lot) and got a saw and sawed off the bedpost...I think it was the bed hitting the floor that not only gave Nan a bad back, but also woke her up.
He also had some run ins with the family dog, Perk. He used to take Perk in the woods hunting all the time. One night Perk showed up at the house without Pop. Everyone thought this was a sign something was wrong and a search party was formed. On his way out of the woods Pop met the search party and offered them help finding whoever it was they were looking for, they told him not to worry, because it was him. He then cursed on the dog and chased him with the shotgun. Perk just hid under the table, he was used to it I think.
The dog had to hide again when Pop was learning how to drive. It was the summer of 1969 and my Aunt Pat, who already had her licence, was teaching him. As he went to pull into the driveway Perk jumped in front of the car and Pop swerved to miss him and wound up putting the car through the house. This was happening as Neil Armstrong was about to land on the moon. Nan thought he crashed into the living room. Again, Perk spent the week cowering under the table.
All this happened long before I was born, but luckily for me, I was present for some of his finer moments. Like when he was being admitted into the Health Science Center when I was 10, and the nurse asked him if he had his own teeth, to which he replied yes...
Mom: No you don't, Dad
Pop: Yes I do!
Mom: No Dad, you have false teeth
Pop: Goddammit, I paid for them, they're mine!
He also had this old clunker car that was held together mainly by duct tape and shoestring. This was where I heard him say "fuck" for the first and last time, during which he flipped someone the wrong finger. It was also in this car that he said if he won the 649 jackpot, which was about $25 million at the time he would buy himself a brand new car, and he would give my Mom the clunker. He never won the jackpot, and when he gave up driving he sold the car for $150. With $30 worth of gas in it and four brand new tires.
Now, while you might not find this as funny as I do, I guess you had to know Pop. I did know him, and I'm really glad.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
